Filed under life in general

Conflict, of the internal variety.

Can’t understand what I’m saying
Can’t figure out what I’m implying

Sometimes living in a world like this
It’s pretty hard not to go insane
Not pretty if you don’t comply
Pretty easy if you don’t complain
Stand there like you don’t feel pain
No tears in the face of defeat
Pretend till the end that you don’t feel change
Don’t admit that your faith is weak

This world is such a fucked up place
My mind’s such a fucked up shape
Everything down here sucks
Maybe what’s up there is great

I just wanna cut to the chase
I wanna stop these nightmares
I just wanna touch your face

All you see is all my feats
All I see is all my flaws
All I can hear is all my demons
Even through your applause
All you see is all my flights
Well all I see is all my falls
All you see is all my rights
All I see is all my wrongs
Go on keep telling me to fight

Simplest things, yea you really like summer
You really like music, you really like reading
I can’t win if it’s me against me
One of us ain’t gonna survive
And my heart been broke for a while
Your’s been the one keepin’ me alive
Your’s been the one keepin’ me alive
Your’s been the one keepin’ me alive

Wherein I do NOT complain about V-Day.

“Now it’s a great feeling when you find the right track to go with the day, and today, I have found the absolute perfect song.” -Definitely, Maybe

I might not have the perfect track for the day, but I do have the perfect movie and the perfect dinner for my first single V-day in a few years.

No, this is not a sad post.

I’ve had my fair share of great Valentine’s days, together with someone I cared deeply about, or somebody that I was on the edge of something new with.

I’ve also had the years where the night passed, just like any other. Nights when I was working… making coffee, driving the evening van service, calling people to give them surveys… Valentine’s days where I was in a relationship but did not get to see my significant other that day.

I’ve had a couple of years where I met up with my girls. Went to a movie, and/or dinner, and/or hung out at someone’s house, just loving on the ladies I love to love so much.

I had the year where I went and had a crazy Crazy CRAZY night out in response to my singleness. I still crack up AND cringe about it.

I think (though I’m not sure) that I’ve managed to avoid the year where I spent the evening crying my eyes out; I’d like to keep it that way.

But let’s talk about today.

Let February 14, 2012 mark the date that I began cooking with puff pastry. And the day when a student brought me a chocolate apple. The day I made macaroni and cheese bites and fancy pigs in a blanket and ate marinated mozzarella and enjoyed being a lazy fatty.

Life is good. And goodness knows that I’ve put in the work to earn an evening of self-love (don’t make this statement into a gross one).

La Semana

A few knuckle-heads (ha! Adults? Kids?) made it a tough week. Those moments and memories have a tendency to melt away though, as I embrace positivity:

-Super proud of 3-4 former knuckle-heads who are clearly pushing themselves in order to pass my classes.
-Read one of the more explicit passages in Always Running today, to the joy of my students. Hilarious, especially since I forgot we were going to read that part until it was happening. AWKWARD.
-Enjoying “running club,” even if it’s just a handful of students who participate.
-I <3 [many of] the people I work with! Time spent together in that crazy building and decompressing outside of it, it's all good (see below).
-Working out, etc. etc. I went for a good night run on Monday and I only thought I would get abducted for about 1/2 a mile! Lack of street lights = terrifying.

This weekend:
-Looking forward to celebrating Julie at her bridal shower <3
-Finished Hunger Games and plan to keep devouring Catching Fire… audibly.
-Possibly going dancing tomorrow? Haven't gone since NYE and looking forward to the prospect of a slightly less crowded dance floor, if I manage to make it out.
-Also: I do love wine, cheese, and charcuterie! Not to mention 10 Things I Hate About You.

Tidbits from the week:

Clarification

Thanks for the texted concerns, loves! Some clarification:

Life is lovely!
I love listening to Hunger Games
The only thing that was BLOWING about last night was my weak girl-push ups.

Hurrah!

The cure for everything

Bar Method +
Beach Run +
Jay-Jay +
Vampire Weekend =

The cure for stress, disappointment, boredom, sadness, anger, it all, et al.

INIQUITY INEQUITY

This week, I am livid with anger and disappointment.

My heavy frustrations boil down to two almost-identical words.

So similar in spelling, and so similar in their description of an inherent brokenness.

Harsh inequities that mar the success of a small urban school and try to break down every fighting effort put forth for our kids and by our kids.

Stark iniquities that gain on relationships and threaten all that could be well in this life.

confusizzle

life be interestin’

Surprises & Fitness

Ways my mom surprised me today:
-”I want an iPhone.”
-”Do you know who this woman is?” [pointing to a photo of Sarah Jessica Parker gracing a magazine cover] “I asked the doctor if I could take this magazine, because I was reading about her and she reminded me of you.”

Workouts I’m excited to try:
-The Bar Method Long Beach
-Crossfit Long Beach
-Donations-only yoga studio
-Free yoga on the beach

Adios 24hour Fitness! If only you actually offered classes… you know… 24 hours a day. Or at least early/late enough to accommodate my work schedule. I’m will be paying a lot more money to work out very soon, but I’m excited to get in killer shape. Ha, and if I fail at that, I guess I’ll be saying hello again to 24.

Ain’t life alright?

Perhaps I did not ring in the new year on quite the right note and hey, I may not have a voice right now (virus), but still–life is alright, isn’t it?

Exciting ‘business trips’ coming up for work–one to visit a small district in San Diego County and talk to them about what they’re doing to support teachers, and a high-profile convening in Arizona to discuss teacher effectiveness. I feel humbled and honored to be given these opportunities!

My new dog (name is still TBD) has brought me so much joy! I think that all of the time I used to spend being sad I now use to play with him and clean his pee up off of the floor. I think it’s safe to say that I get to keep him, so a name is certainly on the way! I’m taking him to the vet/humane society soon to get all taken care of, so once those bills are paid I’ll officially consider him mine. I love him love him love him. He’s so tiny and he has an equally tiny bed that he’ll drag around to be close to wherever I’m at. Washing dishes? He’ll be by the sink. Sitting down? He’ll bring it next to my chair. Also, he’s been spotted playing with spaghetti wrappers and a piece of corn husk tamale-wrapper–any dog who loves these two things is clearly in the right house.

I used a sick day yesterday to visit the doctor and nurse my voice, but still went in early to set things up for a sub. 8 o’clock came and went and my sub was running late, so I stayed with my kiddos, some who said (I kid you not) “noooooooo” when I whispered to them that I’d be out soon. I also got a strange amount of compliments on my appearance that day (beanie to hide my bed head, torn UCLA sweatshirt, leggings, and uggs… not to mention makeup left over from the day before). I must admit, I was hoping to be out before my students saw me because I felt like a BUM, so it was an unexpected ego-boost.

I’m so excited just thinking forward to the things coming up these next months, small and large. From movies I’m excited to see and books I’m hoping to read, to birthdays I’m excited to celebrate and Julie and Ryan’s wedding, to SNOW! Winter Camp (not that I actually know if I’m going) and Mammoth… and man… SPAIN! I have things to look forward to up through the beginning of April and that is fabulous.

2012 is brimming with promises of joy in the simple life as I spend time with friends, stick to my budget, save, and pay off my student loans.

Reality sets in.

Hi, 2012.

It seems it’s time to get back to reality.

Meaning: Time to go back to work. Time to STOP kidding myself about cheap thrills!

Time to let someone more powerful than me lead my life, lead me through the battles, and lead me toward green pastures.

Time to get super busy but still… seek out balance.

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