Filed under life in general

Getting a life, of the financial variety.

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I’m trying to be a good girl and learn about finances. I’m thankful that my parents taught me a good “baselayer” of financial literacy growing up, but man… Mutual funds are kicking my butt to process! I seriously had to go back and map it out! Luckily 1)I am taking the time to learn about this with 4 other friends now, because 2) this type of investment is still at least ~2-3 years away. I recommend Beth Kobliner’s Get a Financial Life if you’re kind of clueless like me!

Ps. I wish I knew about graphic organizers in undergrad. They really do help with processing info.

Gah I’m a nerd.

Ya estoy en paz

“Ya estoy curado
Anestesiado
Ya me he olvidado de tí…
Hoy me despido
De tu ausencia
Ya estoy en paz…
Ya no te espero
Ya no te llamo
ya no me engaño
Hoy te he borrado
De mi paciencia
Hoy fui capaz…”
~”La Despedida” – Manu Chao

It was a good weekend.

Emotions: Unleashed!

[You LOVE my attempt at a witty title]

While on our walk tonight, Jay-Jay and I encountered a tiny, unaccompanied pomeranian. If you haven’t known me long, my first dog was pomeranian (pomeranian-ish mutt, to be specific) that I got when I was 12. Seeing this little guy follow us for a minute or two pulled on my heart strings and I tried to get close to find a name or phone number on his collar… maybe snap a photo or two. All attempts were unsuccessful, however, as Jay-Jay and the pomeranian terrorized each other! They’re both so small and both wound up walking away, whining and crying, if you can believe it.

Naturally, I worried a bit when we walked up to our neighbor’s house and a pit bull was chilling in their front yard. Our second encounter with an unleashed dog of the evening! Jay-Jay’s been known to be scared of small birds, succulent plants, and videos of dogs on YouTube, so I worried about his emotional state when this big dog (okay, it’s a puppy, but still. A BIG PUPPY) ran up to him all “Hey! Whaddup, Foo!” The PIT BULL and Jay-Jay, however… they got along famously.

“It’s cool, they’re friends,” my neighbor said cooly. I had no idea.

While on the topic of friends… I’ve been thinking a lot recently about friendships and relationships… general thoughts, but also the current state of mine, as well as my role in them. I wouldn’t say they’re thoughts that I can classify as good or bad; I’m just pensive.

Nights like this (weeks or months, possibly), I wish I still had a ‘secret’ blog that I kept up. Not so much for my puppy encounters but more so for my thoughts on life that still need a bit of processing, cleaning up, and packaging neatly before being presented to the general public.

30≥25

I’m probably going to make myself sound incredibly young in this one, but I’m okay with that.

03/16/10

I’ve been teased by a handful of people for that doodle above; it was scratched out during a conversation with a few of my favorite ladies who were a few months into 25 (and a few days away from it). I loved hearing their confidence and I really wondered what it would be like for me. I guess I had this fascination with the age of 25. It seemed so old, so seasoned, so experienced, so knowledgeable, even though I was only a few years removed from that milestone. I guess it also helped that we really celebrated birthdays right that year. Surprise trip to New York, shooting up to the Bay, and taking in the Seattle fall… it was all so wonderful.

Anyway.

Looking back through the pages surrounding that quick thought and drawing makes me smile. So many dreams, hopes, and wishes in the pages surrounding that quick sketch have come to fruition since then, while worries and insecurities are thankfully fading at 25. From goals of getting fit and training for a marathon, to that motif of hearts and swirls that is now etched permanently into my skin. From notes taken at a professional development meeting that was going completely over my head (WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?!?), to an angry (nearly illegible) scribble crying out “I hate feeling like all I’m doing is worthless…and then… just being ineffective! I want to be good at the things I do!”

[Sidenote: HA! If only I knew how much "EFFECTIVE" would become a part of my vocabulary this year, haha.]

Anyway, the reason I busted out that journal is this: At a meeting tonight (yes, a meeting on teacher effectiveness), one of the attendees mentioned that it’s his 30th birthday. He kind of hung his head in sadness at leaving the 20′s, and I won’t lie, my first thought was: Man. Sucks. I was surprised though, everybody in the room started talking about how awesome their 30′s have been so far. Apparently they’re even better.

It seems I’ve got a new obsession.

Loving life.

These past two weeks have been pure bliss.
I’m loving my friends, loving fun times, loving good food… Loving life.

Also contributing to my chipper demeanor is… Finally letting it sink in that I was meant for and deserve more than… that. My redeemer lives.

Spring break part 2

The goals:

Be active
Be productive
Be social

Everyday this week. So far so good!

I won’t bore you with the details of today’s chores, but I will say that 9:45am bar method is where it’s at! There were only 5 of us there! I had so much space. And I was the good one for once, haha.

I got an iPad. I don’t know what to do with it yet. So far I’ve used it to:
-listen to the new Nicki Minaj single on repeat
-download a grade book app and stare at my rosters
-send an email confirming that I will be appearing on a televised town hall meeting on teacher effectiveness and evaluation reform. Uhhhh.
-download all of my music and apps and then debate over whether or not I want to have the same content on all 3 devices.
-make my first very engaging blog post via iPad.

One year

Annual marks are important to me, so…

Well, mi coche. 15,000 miles later, and my new registration stickers have arrived; I’ve had you for one year, as of this weekend. I loved you, then you broke my heart, and now I’m back to loving you again.

Anyway, also important to note is that I’ve now been effectively (if not officially) single for a year, as those two life decisions kind of happened at the same time.

It’s all good. No longer do I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an intersection in downtown LA, fearing for my well-being.

paradox

Despite so many recent activities and undertakings that seem as though they should be defining of who I am, I feel more off-center and out of touch with myself than ever.

I am a runner?
I am a bar-method believer?
I am a snowboarder?
I am a literary buff?
I am a hip-hop enthusiast?
I am a collaborator?
I am an ed-reformer?

All (or at least most) of these sound good on screen and on paper. All (or at least most) of these are an important component of who I am. But something is off.

Que es?

Conflict, of the internal variety.

Can’t understand what I’m saying
Can’t figure out what I’m implying

Sometimes living in a world like this
It’s pretty hard not to go insane
Not pretty if you don’t comply
Pretty easy if you don’t complain
Stand there like you don’t feel pain
No tears in the face of defeat
Pretend till the end that you don’t feel change
Don’t admit that your faith is weak

This world is such a fucked up place
My mind’s such a fucked up shape
Everything down here sucks
Maybe what’s up there is great

I just wanna cut to the chase
I wanna stop these nightmares
I just wanna touch your face

All you see is all my feats
All I see is all my flaws
All I can hear is all my demons
Even through your applause
All you see is all my flights
Well all I see is all my falls
All you see is all my rights
All I see is all my wrongs
Go on keep telling me to fight

Simplest things, yea you really like summer
You really like music, you really like reading
I can’t win if it’s me against me
One of us ain’t gonna survive
And my heart been broke for a while
Your’s been the one keepin’ me alive
Your’s been the one keepin’ me alive
Your’s been the one keepin’ me alive

Wherein I do NOT complain about V-Day.

“Now it’s a great feeling when you find the right track to go with the day, and today, I have found the absolute perfect song.” -Definitely, Maybe

I might not have the perfect track for the day, but I do have the perfect movie and the perfect dinner for my first single V-day in a few years.

No, this is not a sad post.

I’ve had my fair share of great Valentine’s days, together with someone I cared deeply about, or somebody that I was on the edge of something new with.

I’ve also had the years where the night passed, just like any other. Nights when I was working… making coffee, driving the evening van service, calling people to give them surveys… Valentine’s days where I was in a relationship but did not get to see my significant other that day.

I’ve had a couple of years where I met up with my girls. Went to a movie, and/or dinner, and/or hung out at someone’s house, just loving on the ladies I love to love so much.

I had the year where I went and had a crazy Crazy CRAZY night out in response to my singleness. I still crack up AND cringe about it.

I think (though I’m not sure) that I’ve managed to avoid the year where I spent the evening crying my eyes out; I’d like to keep it that way.

But let’s talk about today.

Let February 14, 2012 mark the date that I began cooking with puff pastry. And the day when a student brought me a chocolate apple. The day I made macaroni and cheese bites and fancy pigs in a blanket and ate marinated mozzarella and enjoyed being a lazy fatty.

Life is good. And goodness knows that I’ve put in the work to earn an evening of self-love (don’t make this statement into a gross one).

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