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“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love” (1 John 4:18).

This bible verse consists of 26 words that changed my life when they were shared with me back in 2006. In a time when I felt so tiny, incapable, and unlovable, I realized that I am loved and I have nothing to be afraid of between myself and my maker. That the guilt I had felt since I was 8 and my feelings of insufficiency were not something to be ruled by, but something to be replaced by love so perfect that it drives that fear out of my life.

These 26 words have changed the way I view the world, and the way I view my relationships. These 26 words are printed on the dedication page of my M.Ed. thesis; they are the words that guide my interactions with my students. Through the truth of these words, I came to realize that a manipulative relationship is not a loving one. That I didn’t need to feel guilty for being in a relationship. That I am worthy of love.

This weekend I got a tattoo that I have been wanting for several years (three maybe? four? two?). In one picture, you can see what is currently on my foot, in the other you can see my sketch that I started out with. Though the verse itself did not make it onto my foot yet (and I am unsure if it ever will), this imprint is so much more than just a girly heart tattoo.

I’ll tell you right now that one of the scariest moments of my life happened about an hour ago as I had to tell my parents about the tattoo. My stomach churned as I braced myself for tears, and I couldn’t figure out how to bring it up, but I did. Though they didn’t love it, they let me share the significance behind it, and I think it actually brought us a little bit closer. It’s not often I engage in spiritual conversations with them. See? Love casts out fear.

…and bc my parents are hilarious:
Mom’s initial reaction: let me see. at least it’s nice, not scandalous. don’t get more. [proceeds to tell me a story about gang rape]
Dad’s initial reaction: IS THAT YOUR TATTOO?!? WHAT IS IT?!? A DOG? A FLOWER? ….oh, it’s a heart!