Posted in August 2010

Crunchy Banana French Toast

Tomorrow is the first day of the 2010-2011 school year.

It seems fitting to enjoy a tasty breakfast at the same coffee shop I used to plan at when I was student teaching.

I guess we can say that living so close to Eureka cafe is reason #251 that I’m glad to have moved.

Annendum to my bday post:

23 was the most:
-stressful
-exciting
-fun
-productive
-wonderful
-busy
-adventurous
-random
-surreal
year of my life.

It was a good year. Just figured I should put that out there. 23, you were good to me, I’m sad to see you go. I hope your buddy 24 is as lively as you were.

Dear Jesus,

“Let it be a good year” -Somatra

Amen.

I’m 24. New chapter in life is definitely underway and I am very much still adjusting.

The mid-20′s are feeling about right.

(I still haven’t spent more than 3 nights in the same bed! Grrr! If I manage to sleep here again tomorrow night, the streak will finally be broken… more than a month after it started)

purple red peach pink green

I really need to stop visiting home so much…

But today it was for a happy reason, had to pick up a special delivery <3

Malaysia? Mayonaise?

Malaise.

That’s what my dad says I’ve got.

I’m finding it difficult to focus on the hours of prepping and planning I have ahead of me to get ready for the school year.

Spent the morning avoiding work by doing more unpacking/cleaning. Turned on the stove to cook my first meal in the house, but put the pot back in the cupboard and jumped in my car to eat comfort food in Long Beach instead.

[today is my third time visiting my parents since moving away 5 days ago]

Day 1

All things considered,
today was a lovely day.

Difficulties

I wish I had wonderful, vibrant words to express how I feel.

But I can’t even begin to process everything happening.

I guess I have nothing new to say other than I love friends, my parents, craftsman houses, Andrew Jason Wei, & keeping busy.

I’m overwhelmed, stressed, & sad.

nomad

I’d like to make sure it’s on record that this upcoming Monday will mark one month of spending no more than 3 consecutive nights in the same bed. Come Monday, my bed will move to a new location (and I’ll get to sleep in it for 6 whole nights before I go away to my work retreat).

Yes, I am moving back to LA within a week of Andrew moving away, me starting work-related activities, me turning 24 (still to decide whether or not I will celebrate), and me getting a tattoo. Can you say “NEW CHAPTER IN LIFE”?!? Clearly the tattoo will be the most life-changing. Just Kidding. Then again, I guess I’m not kidding. That mess will stay with me for life.

As much as I love it (life, that is) right now, I already know that I am about to put myself through too many transitions at once.

But back to loving life.

Tonight, as I sat in a cute little gastropub, eating my grownup lunchable (am I the only one who used to call them lunchbowls?) called something like “The Taste of Spain,” sipping my red wine, listening to Somatra play jazz, watching as she jammed with people I randomly used to know in 6th grade and freshman year of college, sitting with Sitha and Susana… I was so happy and at peace. And I thought about how it could possibly be that the last time that my small group got together was a month ago. And then I thought about how–

So many things have happened since then. Or rather, so many places. Observe:

Places I would have never expected to experience that suddenly… out of no where… happened in the past month:
-Panama… hugging monkeys, private islands with crabs and red frogs, staring at greenery along miles and miles of highway, etc
-Wisconsin… but how beautiful it was! I can’t believe that Andrew lives a 5 minute walk away from a lake with a beach that people tan on. What the heck.
-Rush concert. Men my dad’s age sure know how to be passionate about the bands they love. And they also look funny in bondage pants.
-Going to a block party and signing a lease for a giant house near USC. I can’t explain to most people how much I feel that this was supposed to happen. I can’t wait. When we arrived in the bay area late sunday/early monday at 4am, I couldn’t sleep because I was daydreaming too much about the house.

But man, oh man. Fast-forward a week and a half, and who knows when I’ll have time to sit down alone and process what the hell just happened.

our kind of love


Skipping rocks and leaving footprints
Down along the riverbank
Always holding hands, never making plans
Just living in the moment, babe

You get me laughin’ with those funny faces
You somehow always know just what to say
That’s right, oh that’s right
What we got is

Just like driving on an open highway
Never knowing what we’re gonna find
Just like two kids, baby, always trying to live it up

right now

feeling myself emotionallystretched thin.

too much to feel

  • happy
  • sad
  • excited
  • mournful
  • stressed
  • worried
  • about.

    hello, august.

    the worst thing i did this past week?

    i looked at a calendar.

    realizing how many (or rather, how few) days are left before my mom’s surgery (5), how many weekends i have with andrew (2) or how many weeks until work starts up again (3) have all brought me to tears.

    i try to be okay and grateful during the “in-case-i-die-i-want-you-to-know-this” conversations, but i’m so scared, and the feelings are complex.
    i try to be okay when, hanging out in a casual setting, people ask in a sing-song voice, “aren’t you going to miss him?” really, what kind of a question is that?
    i try to believe i’ll be a better teacher this year but all i feel is FEAR. i’m so scared to start up again. i feel like that whole tough first year of teaching never started and i’m being thrown in as fresh meat again with no experience and without a clue.

    i tried to surrender today,
    during communion.
    it seemed fitting,
    after words that moved me,
    and as we sang
    “i surrender all”
    but it was a tearful battle
    &
    i’m not sure what side won.

    [i'm going to wisconsin on tuesday. i'm moving mid-month. i'm celebrating my birthday (?). i'm bonding w/ co-workers at work retreat. i might go on another trip with my small group.]
    [these are all things that i look forward to. but i'm stressed out about them and i feel very up in the air right now. i get back from one trip just to go on another. accomplish one thing to move onto another]
    [am i really complaining about life moving along at a good place?
    [yes]

    i don’t think i’ll feel settled until september.
    when a whole new chapter of life will have begun.

    i think it’s going to be a hard chapter,

    august is only the beginning.

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