it really wasn’t easy at first.
i’d practically force my heart to burst with happiness thinking of all of the opportunities up ahead. i’d fight to remind myself that He’s got this under control, just like in the past.
it’s actually gotten to the point now where this is [almost] my automatic emotional stance. honestly. the forcing myself to be excited paid off and i’ve become thrilled not only for what i’ve started to do, but also thinking about the amazing life-journeys my friends are embarking upon.
but
i still find myself seriously mourning change. i’ve rather enjoyed seeing friends, family, loved ones… on a consistent basis. i have this [shallow?] terrible fear that i will have as empty a social calendar as i did in high school and community college (aka the lonely years). those were really sad days and nights of crying myself to sleep and wondering when somebody would enjoy spending time with me (embarrassing to admit, but just being honest).
i know, i know. it’s true, i’ve been blessed with relationships that have grown so much these past few years. i’ll see my friends who are still around plenty and it will be wonderful. i’ll focus on learning how to better teach, serve, and love my students (especially the ones who drive me crazy). it’ll be okay. and like i said before, i truly am EXCITED for my loved ones to really start their careers up.
confession: sometimes i wish i didn’t ‘figure myself out’ as early as i did. it makes me wonder if maybe i settled too soon on a life path. i know this is ridiculous, but it’s still there.
maybe it’s my long beach up-bringing… the stay close-to-home mentality that made my move 25 miles away to UCLA a big switch. it didn’t prepare me for people moving FAR to pursue their dreams.
not to thrilling a post, more to mark my process as i begin to prepare myself for what’s up ahead.
