Posted in September 2009

Expanding on that last thought.

This past Friday night one of the teachers at my school put together a fund-raising benefit event for my school.

(Things were kind of off with me emotionally, but no matter).

The event was amazing.

I was in awe that somebody working the same job as me was able to put together such a wonderful event at a cool venue in Hollywood… he performed, he got a lot of good performers… it was awesome and I think we raised a lot of money from it.

His wife performed and his daughter was on stage all the time. It was adorable. He goes on tours in the Summer. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just a family talent show by any means… it was definitely a real show.

I’ve talked with other teachers who were in bands. I’ve been to a coffee shop that was owned and operated by a teacher. I’ve seen teachers on softball teams, basketball teams… teachers who tutor on weekends,teachers in card-making clubs, teachers who submit work art shows, teachers who get their short stories published, teachers who run marathons…

However ridiculous this sounds, I WANT A CUTE LIFE LIKE THOSE TEACHERS. They work hard during the day and then come home to spouses and children and the tools of their art.

I know that it’s my first year.

But I want to be there.

At the point where I’m a good teacher, but it doesn’t dominate all that I do.

[And oh... how embarrassing if any of my co-workers read this. If they do, hi]

late night observation.

I have a long way to go until I am the person I want to be, living the life I want to live.

23

UCLA started today

Teaching has gone very well for 2 days now

A 30 minute nap turned into a 11.5 hour night of sleep

I’ve hardly talked to anybody who is not a) a teacher b) a co-worker c) a classmate in days.

I’m happy but conflicted.

Praising God that…
I haven’t fallen dead of exhaustion. That he came through on making me “lie down in green pastures”

That I have felt ridiculously safe as I’ve walked “through the valley of the shadow of death”

That I’ve been able to not fear evil against me. Although I can hardly help but fear the evil that my students endure every day. Some of it is just high school drama. But most of the drama is fueled by evil much more serious than that.

They’re starting to reach out and open up. They’ve stopped glaring at me as a whole class.

He’s guided me, he’s been my shepherd.

But I’m still in want.

My feet hurt, my hair is turning silver, and I miss having time and energy to pursue and be pursued.

I’m loving it, but I’m fearing the burn-out that is to come.

At least my throat’s no longer raw from talking so much.

more than surviving

First week of teaching, DONE!

The beauty of being in a new building is that everything is shiny and new (except the chairs and desks, which I think were brought over from the temporary campus). Those scuff marks on the tiles? I PUT THEM THERE. Not some previous teacher in the 1960′s. I’ve already made my mark on this place. The bad thing about being in a new building is that it isn’t entirely… finished. There were holes in my floor the first two days of school where there were some exposed wires. It was awesome. Anyway, two men came in my class on the second day of school and were installing the covers for the holes right smack in the middle (both in terms of space and in terms of time) of class. Of course, this was a bit distracting, but it wasn’t the hugest deal. We joked about it, they did their thing, class moved on. When they finished up (halfway through my conference period an hour later) they said “man, you’re probably going to be their coolest teacher ever!” And we talked for a good 3 minutes. They liked the way I interacted with the students, and they liked the way I taught. This was just the encouragement I needed after feeling like students were bored out of their minds and not quite feeling class. I remembered talking last year with a few teacher/teacher-in-training friends about needing to cling to the good things that happen each day to help us survive the rough patches.

So after that long long intro, here are just a few of my favorite moments from the week:

  • We were talking about funding and attendance and the scenario we were given was about being able to fund a trip to go see “The Nutcracker,” with the money received from high attendance rates.
    The class: [more laughter than necessary] Haha… nut… cracker… nuts… NUTS!
    Me: [stifled laugh] Does anybody know what The Nutcracker is?
    Girl: Yeah, I saw the movie!
    Me: Good! Okay, what was it about, do you think that would be a fun or at least okay field trip?
    Girl: I guess… not really… I mean it’s about Barbie, right?
    Me: … Oh… I think that’s the Barbie version of the story…
    Class: MAN I’d rather be here than some stupid ass Barbie dance!
  • We were filling out this “About Me” thing on a ‘myspace’ assignment thing I made and a group of boys in the front row were cracking up.
    Me: What happened?
    Boy 1: Show her! Show her! Show her your paper!
    Me: What? Yeah, show me! What did you write?
    Boy 2: No! He wrote it, not me!
    [Boy 1 and Boy 2 begin fighting over the paper]
    [I decide not to push it and move on to check in with some other students]
    [Boy 3 has magically joined the mix and triumphed with the clandestine myspace assignment.]
    Boy 3: [as he hands me the paper] Here, Miss! [I take the paper to see what the big deal was]
    The paper: “I just got my period.”
    Me:
    (Oh, 9th graders)
  • A girl who seemed disengaged in class asking if she could stay in my class at lunch to work on her homework. We listen to music and chat.
  • Co-Workers continuing to be the most awesome staff I could ever hope to be a part of.
  • A few funny names but I probably shouldn’t go there online. Just ask me in person.
  • Being called Ms. Coooooooool (along with Ms. Jamon and ditching a last name altogether to just call me Miiiiiiiiiss!) more often than Ms. Hamm. But not because I’m cool. Because I apparently say cooool a lot. And after each time, my entire period two says cooooooooool for like 10 seconds just to drive the point home.
  • I also apparently always have my hands on my stomach. This got pointed out on the first day of school in two of my classes when they asked me if I was pregnant. This was… umm… coooooool of them to ask! I’ve since worked very hard to break the habit. Unfortunately it means I talk with my hands more than ever.
  • Meeting with my advisory class yesterday and having them actually engage in the activities. The first 2 class meetings were a struggle, to say the least. Yesterday though, the students who had been rolling their eyes the last two days asked me if I could jerk and cracked up at my 1 second demonstration. Another girl was joking and smiling and telling me that she’s “really really crazy once you get to know me.” Kind of reminded me of me back then.
  • Seriously though, it’s been good. I can honestly say that my students crack me up, that a lot of them have already started to work hard, and that I love being there doing what I’m doing. I can already see which class period is going to be my toughest. So far I have found myself questioning my career path every day that my hard class has met… the other class periods make it all better.

    Another hard thing to grasp is that as a 9th grade teacher, I have to undergo the struggle of breaking students into the culture of our school. It is a lot more interactive and community based than their middle schools or even most high schools (at least in LA). By the time they get to be 10th and 11th graders, they are great. Angelic, even. There is a lot of resistance from the 9th graders, though. Already there have been some victories (I went from disliking two class periods and my advisory to only having issues with one of them). I just know that the resistance is probably going to be one of the hardest things on me.

    It’s all good though. I wanted to transform students, transform their education. I have my work cut out for me, but I also have the opportunity to do just that.

    Rough amongst the diamonds

    Not to say that everything has been all red carpet-gala status over in my school’s neighborhood, or anything.

    But this week has been another hustle-and-bustle-busier-than-you-can-believe type of week. Giant grand opening with a ribbon cutting ceremony and the Mayor (second time in a week to be w/in 20 feet? not to say I’m a fan, but whatever… dude’s important)… new rooms, new purchases for new rooms…

    But then little things remind me of how broken our world is.

    After treating myself to sleeping in and getting breakfast in Crenshaw, I picked up a few things and took the street route down South to Watts. I passed by Darby Park on the way. Part of me wanted to go in, park, walk around, see what’s come of the place. But I shuddered as chills ran down my spine and I ran away, driving as fast as I could from a square of green in Inglewood.

    And then, when I sat down at my desk, I checked my email, only to find heartbreaking news. One of our students, shot and killed over the Summer. It’s not that I knew the student, because let’s face it… I did not. It’s not that I didn’t expect it to happen, because let’s face it… I did. But those factors do not matter one bit. I did not prepare myself to have to let this settle in so soon. I shouldn’t have to. This morning, amidst the stress and fanciness of this week, amidst finding myself falling in love all over again with my school and the staff and the handful of students and parents I’ve met… I mourned the wretchedness and evil that surround us.

    Follow

    Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.