Things are falling into place!
…for the Summer.
Anna and I signed our lease, I got enough CSO hours to make some $ (but few enough to rest up), Texas flights have been booked, Florida trip being considered… it is pretty wonderful.
But right now, I am having a very hard time trusting and believing that I will be taken care of after Summer. What if I do not get a job? Then I am stuck with an [awesome] apartment that I have no $ for. And what if I cannot finish my Master’s? What then?
My dad asked me last week what my alternate plans were if teaching did not work out. I stared blankly. I don’t have any. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Some admin job? Court interpreting school? …Barista? CSO? Nanny? I already know where I want to be.
I guess it helps to remember that I am in no worse a place than the rest of the country. The questioning that I am experiencing is no different from what the typical college graduate experiences at any time, especially now. Sure, maybe it stings a little more since I spent all of this money on school and I have no way to earn it back to pay off my loans. But at least I am not experiencing the sting that so many others are, of being unable to provide for their families.
And so… right now, I am challenging myself to believe that I will be okay. That just as God provided for the Summer, he will provide for the aftermath. Maybe in the form of a job, maybe in the form of… not. So here I am. Asking him to hold onto me, asking him to help me increase my faith that he will provide for me in some form and take care of me.
Peace, hope, joy. Those are what I want. Riches and prosperity are secondary, if I can have those three.
