The weeks have continued to fly on by, and I have felt pretty busy. I have spent this afternoon relaxing and cleaning, both things things that I have needed to catch up on.
Teaching super-star lessons, especially ones that end up getting observed by multiple people (!!! my guiding teacher, my adviser, another random teacher, and my assistant principle!) is excellent and makes me feel productive and useful, but let me tell you, it is DRAINING. The quarter is just about a third done, and as things begin to near Summer, I know they are only going to pick up. I will need to continue my teaching, add a video camera to the mix, do the fatty write up that is PACT, and keep up with a lot of other coursework while I am at it. It is kind of hard to juggle the whole staying on top of teaching and classes with seeing people and having meaningful conversations. Not to mention the need to start up on some SERIOUS resume distribution in an attempt to gain employment somewhere. But I am trying, and I will continue trying. Hopefully there will be some succeeding going on too. Would be nice too if I could manage to fit in some running, some cooking, some pleasure reading, and some cleaning. All in a day’s work.
I envision myself being kind of tired for the next 6 weeks or so. That’s not too long though, all things considered. Apologies to all if I go into super hermit mode for a while (btw: yell at me if I don’t go into hermit mode, because it is honestly necessary).
On a deeper level, I have been pondering love lately. What it really looks like to love and be loved by others. While I love the happy times, I know that harder times are an opportunity to truly work hard and really make the good times worthwhile, but I have been really feeling stretched in terms of this, I must say. What does forgiveness really look like? What does hope in a friendship mean? I don’t think I make sense, but there is still a lot of processing to go on in this area of my life.
In the meantime, the constant struggle to figure out where I want to live in the near (and not so near) future continues. A couple of options are open, and it is just hard to really make that decision right now. A big part of the decision for at least the next year will certainly be dependent on where I may find a teaching job, but there are other things to keep in mind too. Trying to figure out how location would affect my different relationships… parents, friends, mi amor, church… am I certain of what church I even want to be at? And would my choice in location be telling of what relationships are most important to me? That is troubling because I may not be near super near anybody. Maybe it will be more telling of how expensive housing is and how long a daily commute I am willing to endure. At any rate, I would not say that this stuff has me down necessarily, but just… there are a lot of things to think about and I am not quite sure where to begin.
