While there are plenty of big scary things coming up these next few weeks (interview, student teaching, projects, dentist), I am so so so excited for tonight, next week and everything in February! Bowling, Birthdays, superbowl, Disneyland, small group, 9 months+vday, maybe winter camp, bridesmaid sleepover, and hopefully plenty more times to hang out and laugh and cry and love.
Here’s to staying happy and healthy and un-stressed and alive through all of it!
Today, as I was observing and helping out in the ESL class that I will be taking over, the truth slipped out: Ms. Hamm speaks Spanish! I think I just assumed that they could look at me and figure I spoke Spanish, but I guess my students-to-be are not guilty of making that premature judgment. One of the girls who was going back and forth with another guy calling each other every name in the book caught my attention early on in my observation time because of the control she seems to have over a lot of the students in the class. She seems older, and I later found out that this is her third time repeating the course. Repeating any course would be pretty miserable, I’d imagine. But ESL is a scripted course… she’s had to do the exact same assignments, take the same notes, read the same stories, etc for 3 semesters now, and I mean… that sucks, right? (Note that I’m not singing praises to ESL, but I’m also not against them. Very much feeling them out right now) Anyway, I caught her and in that moment I was terrified. So far I had been on her good side, but would she hate me now? I know that it is not to be my concern whether or not my students like me, but here we are, my first instance of really hoping a student will like me. I guess there’s a smidgen of hope in me that if she likes me, she’ll try harder and be able to move on to something new? It seemed to be okay though. She got in trouble, but afterward the entire class was like “WHOA! So you speak Spanish?!?” I’m still not sure if they are delighted or if they feel like they have to limit the things they say, haha… at any rate, I hope they will find me more approachable, or more easier to relate to or something.
This week I realized that getting up in the morning to be in my 7th grade classrooms before the bell rings is no longer a huge struggle. I really only drink my weakly brewed tea out of thirst, a nice contrast to when I was nursing my huge mug of strong coffee as I got ready, as I drove to school, and throughout class just to stay awake. While I am by no means staying out late every night, it is also nice to not have to be so strict about my bedtime anymore like I was my first few weeks.
I am still terrified of the actual teaching, but these are a few small victories (along with making semester plans that I like and think will work) that actually brighten my day and make me a lot more hopeful of my fate as a Middle School English teacher. It’s nice to have some peace of mind as I go into resume edit mode and prepare for my district interview on Tuesday (!!!), which as you might imagine… I am terrified about!
Anyway, I think this entry is pretty boring. Turning points I want to remember, but probably not ones that are interesting to read about.
I can’t help but get excited for the weather. Driving back to my apartment from middle school with excellent rainy day music, making lunch and just enjoying it for a while.
I regret not taking more pictures this month. A lot of things have happened, and what do I have to show for it? Not too much. The apartment still smells faintly of green onion, which… I do not mind because it is what is left over from a good night. This was a good week, I must say.
Things are going to be picking up a bit at school, which I continue to be terrified of, but… I don’t know. For now, I’m just chilling. I had a good moment with some of my students-to-be, which was encouraging.
I’m considering a few days in England over Spring Break. There’s a deal that makes it affordable. But I am not sure if 4 days for my first trip there is enough… I mean we can try to catch loads of sleep on the plane and keep sleep during the trip to a minimum, but… I just don’t know. We shall see!
In the meantime, I am very much looking forward to what will for sure be a good weekend. Susana’s birthday karaoke with all the ladies I love tonight, Andrew in Long Beach tomorrow and Sunday, and Chinese New Year in the evenings. What more could I ask for?
I love the area where the middle school I’m at until June (and hopefully come September!) is at, for real. Huge beautiful old houses in the midst of the city, a panaderia where when of my favorite treats are only 20 cents (!!!), a cute independent coffee shop, a crazy kimchi store… All pretty wonderful, really. Student teaching is looming closer and closer. I continue to be excited and terrified… but hopeful.
I love people. Can I go into more details? Sure, forever and ever and ever. Love people who sacrifice time and distance to come spend time with me, people who I see daily, people I see weekly, people who cook me steak. Relationships are a beautiful thing, and I continue to feel blessed by them.
I hate the things that I constantly find myself doing to make myself miserable and guilty instead of appreciating the good.
Super big vegas update/beginning of the new year post never seemed to come through. This Winter break was probably my most jam-packed (yet still very restful) that I’ve ever had. I laughed a lot, I cried a lot, I I learned a lot, I worried a lot, I enjoyed my time a lot… I enjoyed time with people and I just wish I could have spent more time with some people. I am so grateful for everybody in my life right now at the start of 2009 and I am curious to see what this year will hold for me. Looking back to the beginning of 2008, I had no idea of everything that was ahead of me (good, bad, scary, sad, exciting, thrilling, upsetting, amazing), and… I don’t know. 2009, here we go.
The hold that evil has on this world has become very apparent to me recently. I hate when it finds a place to reside in me, I hate when it plagues memories, I hate the pain that it causes. I don’t really know what else to say here because I have a lot to process and think about. Hmm.
I have so many apprehensions about my upcoming assignments, projects, and student teaching. But I feel a bit more hope and calm right now realizing that I am working with great teachers and that it is okay if I am not perfect from the start. But when I am not thinking and processing on overcoming the evil int his world… a lot of thought will probably be dedicated to grad school/teaching stuff.
There are a few people out there who I love love love… and I the rest of my time will probably be dedicated to thinking about these people and love love loving them.
A better end of break/vegas update/thoughts on new year post should be in the works at a later time. For now, a quick thought…
I guess we are at the age of expensive jewelry on significant fingers, because 6 friends (3 couples) have gotten engaged over winter break, and another friend is married.
In all seriousness though, congratulations to Evan, Justine, Grant, Shannon, Rick, Rachel, and Jane. Best wishes to all (even though I doubt any of you read this/will ever find yourselves reading these words, haha)!
