Changeable.net

2008… I don’t easily know how to describe 2008. It has been the year in which I have felt emotion more… strongly than ever before.

(prepare yourself for a large picture post – sorry for the random sizing on some of these. P.S. This post took 3+ hours! Luckily I did it during work, so I got paid!)

Winter
Back from wonderful trip in Guatemala, slapped in the face with reality of what is ahead of me this year. Applications for grad school done at the last minute, sluggishly going back to classes… Coming back to Westwood still in party mode, feeling/knowing that it is not really me… enjoying every last minute of it while it lasts, though… having the time of my life and racking up amazingly hilarious stories. Feeling unhappy in my uncertainty of the future. While some friendships are thriving, others are suffering… badly. Trying to be grateful for what I have, but feeling stuck. The Swards’ accident catching everybody off guard, and the terrible grief afterward. Getting accepted into TEP grad school at UCLA during last week of Winter quarter. Appreciative for the things that are good in life, because they are the only glimpses of God that I see and are what will carry me through.

Spring
Started off with Spring Break in China… Shanghai and Beijing. Happy I had the “tour” experience with Chorale, but never want to travel in such a big group again. A lot of fun…. feeling confused as I come back to school as to what I want. Feeling like there are a lot of friendships out there but none go below the surface anymore. People trying to get through while I push away. But still loving those who pursue me and put up with me… getting a lot closer to Michelle, especially. Isaac’s funeral… singing Brahms’ requiem and the healing that I found in that. Aching for Long Beach while clinging to Westwood. On a day when I was especially feeling the pain, escaping and having a good time with friends… and then Andrew comes into the picture, as someone more than a friend. Enjoying the crazy uncertainty of a relationship at its beginning stages. Enjoying final weeks, days, minutes of undergrad. Graduation.

Summer
Started off with a trip to Catalina for Summercon. Summercon was big in terms of my relationship with God (beginning to dig into ways that I question his love for me…), relationships with the rest of IV class of 08, and just… feeling undergrad come to a close. Came back to the mainland to reconciliation with Julie after a hard 6 months apart. My brother and Alina’s wedding. Settled into my Summer schedule of work and lazing around. Community dinner, fun with Michelle(s), random fun summer events, growing closer to Andrew, becoming “official,” getting to know his friends, 22nd birthday, Redeemed ladies retreat… hard times at home after the biggest fight with my parents that I can remember, really worrying about my mommy’s health, and “the economy” hitting my family hard. Scared to death to start grad school. Coming to a deeper understanding of my relationship with God.

Fall
Starting grad school, being broke, wishing that I could spend more time with EVERYBODY… not enough quality time with anybody… just feeling short on time and wishing I had more. Getting my first taste of student teaching, being scared out of my mind. Facing the challenges but much enjoying the bliss of being in love. Football games. Mommy starting chemo, the toll it takes on her, and the toll that takes on me. Feeling exhausted. Enjoying the friendships in the moments that I do have with them.

Winter break (so far)

So hard yet so good. I have felt on top of the world and like the world is on top of me. So many good memories though! I don’t even know where to begin. Disneyland, Hotel Cafe, Utah, hanging out as much as I can, Christmas, Long Beach… huge conversation with my parents, beginning to let myself process things… feeling the love. Spending time with people… Loving Ashley, loving Julie, loving my parents, loving Andrew, loving Andrew’s family, loving Monica, loving EVERYONE at lbfc. Working a smidgen.

Leaving for vegas tonight, coming back next year!

Thank you to everybody who made this year into all that it has been. Thank you Jesus for bringing the good… but please help in making sense of the bad. Thanks to those whose pictures I stole, and to Monica for my camera . I wish I could have spent so much more time with all of you… I am sorry for my failings as a friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister. I love you guys deeply.