I am so fickle! I hate it. I need to just not tell people when I have made big life decisions because it’s probably annoying to everybody to switch things up. I am re-considering living in LA next year. Living in LB will at most save just over $100 a month. Not that those hundred bucks don’t count, because they certainly do, but so does my sanity.
The thought of the drive, people’s grimacing faces when I tell them of my upcoming commuter lifestyle, rising gas prices, low rent, and all of the fun I have been having in LA recently make this seem more appealing. It’s good fun too, not like… unproductive, partying, “you’re gonna regret this later” fun like what has been had in the past. Good meaningful fun that is worth continuing to enjoy. GAH. I love Long Beach so so so so much, but nothing has been keeping me from it these past 2 years, so that should not change yet.
The thunderstorm today was amazing. It came and went super fast, but it was a welcome surprise!
Catalyst was really good for me this week, as it was last week. I really like the series they’re doing to close out the year. Refocusing on Jesus as my center. Not relying on outside sources (while they certainly are great!) as my sole source of happiness. Looking back to my entries from a few weeks ago, as well as thinking back on thoughts that went unposted, I will be bound to be disappointed if I put my hope under other people’s control. Not because other people don’t care or are horrible, but because… we’re human. I have seen plenty times just this week… hell, even just today that I certainly have my shortcomings and failures in creating a sense of happiness for other people. I wish it weren’t the case, and I am constantly hoping to improve my friendships, but I will always have my mess ups. My heart aches over relationships that need work, reconciliation. While the plan is still to aim for this… I need to not ground my happiness in the hope that those friendships will be redeemed and restored.
The flurry of graduation and the end of school is here as I order tickets (concert and graduations), yearbook, alumni memberships, cap/gown, and I cannot believe it is here. It is exciting, and yet I feel numb to it at the same time. Would it be a bigger deal if I wasn’t coming back for more in the Fall? Probably. But that’s not really important now.
Life seems to change over Sumer breaks. This Summer I will gain a sister and then she and my brother will be picking up and going to the East Coast. At a Dresden Dolls concert last night (what a freak show!) with both of them, it was strange to think that they won’t be only a 2 hour drive away in a few months, but a cross country plane trip. It’s not to say that we all see each other every week or even every month, but it’s still a strange thought. While everybody in Guatemala continues to be so closely knit, family up here in U.S. continues to stretch and spread out. I mean, it’s not something that I am so so so sad about, it’s just interesting to me. In some way. I don’t know.
Lots is happening in this tiny life of mine. Lots to be happy about, lots to anticipate, lots to work on, and lots to be thankful for. Should be interesting to see where things go.
