In the past, I have written about various topics that I was concerned with, several of which are no longer of interest to me. At the same time, there are some things that continue to blow my mind.
I think that the first time I realized how judgemental I am was in my freshman year of college, when I got to know some people from high school on a more personal level. I remember writing about how amazed I was that they were not as horrible as I thought they were in high school, that they were actually enjoyable to be around. I think I remember saying that I was going to make a conscious effort to stop automatically assuming things about people, but recently I have realized that I still do this.
At times, it is refreshing… I mean seriously, if I am suddenly spending time with somebody, whether because of classes, work, church, or other social situations… it is a relief when they turn out to be even nicer, funnier, more interesting (I could go on forever) than I initially would have thought them to be.
There are other times where based on one or two things I hear about or see in a person I think very highly of them… and then I find myself dissapointed at what they actually are like.
In the past few weeks, I have had several of the former situations, where I am pleasantly surprised with various people who I have gotten to know a bit more. When I could be investing time in the building of friendships, why do I waste time by expecting the worst from these people from the start?
At the other end of the spectrum (in the latter situations), what right do I have to continue judging these people even if they aren’t what I had imagined? If it was a dissapointment on my part when I found out what they were really like, then isn’t it just as dissapointing for me to decide that NOW I suddenly have them figured out? Do I continue to pass judgement when I distance myself from them? Or is that just a natural response?
What am I even getting at? I have no idea.
I know what you mean. I find myself doing the same thing sometimes. It’s like you can never have an evolving perception of someone, or just accept them for the way they are without trying to decide whether they’re good/bad, cool/uncool, likable/unlikable.
I think the “disappointment” thing also comes from people wanting to categorize others immediately. Sometimes it’s not even that they do something negative, it’s just that they don’t fit into the initial impression of what they were. You can only be one thing. Either you’re smart, or you’re dumb. You can’t be a genius at math, but a slow reader. It just throws people off. I’ve also noticed that it’s hard for people to joke around or act informal with someone they respect a lot.