2006 June « Changeable.net

Jun 28 2006

Talking, bills, and an apartment!

[random post]

I have never been much of a phone talker… it is pretty akward for me. Yes, I was able to talk for hours on the phone with friends in middle school, but it was different back then. It would tend to be in the middle of summer vacation, and we would tend to be watching the same thing on the television and just sitting on the phone while we watched the same thing… yeah, nothing too exciting. Recently though, I have been talking to one of my friends a lot more and it has been pretty amazing! The time on the phone passes by super quick, and before I know it, I have been talking on the phone from 9:15pm until 2:00am! It is insane, but so sweet. Julie, I have absolutely no idea if you ever read this, but if you do, you are amazing and I love you!

I just got a fatty envelope from It’s A Grind, and I was a bit confused… I thought it was a separation notice from when I quit working there (haha… remember that? It is nice to know that I lasted a whole week), but it was actually a bill from a car repair I had. It somehow got mixed up with all of the store invoices and mailed to the corporate offices! Pretty funny stuff! I cannot even begin to imagine how it got mixed in with coffee, milk, and paper product order invoices. Yeah.

My new apartment is going to be right across the street from school. And super close to the buildings that my classes will be in. Hooray for sleep!

I am still camera-less and iPod-less. What can you do? There are more important things, such as going to Cambodia and Thailand, going to St. Louis for a conference, and (possibly) studying abroad next Summer for me to worry about.

My mom bought me some new pots and pans for when I move. I shall go inspect them now.

[/random post]

Jun 24 2006

This weekend=

ATM photoshoots (yes, I am counting that as part of my weekend)
Shredding at work!
Cleaning and decorating the church, because….
Wedding! Which meant…
Hair straightening, and later on, curling, before moving on to…
The Reception!
Which meant eating things like quail (with the head still attached), shrimp, really really rare beef, shark soups, and other stuff… which was before….
THE DANCING! First Cambodian (you better believe I looked STUPID but that is okay because so did… well… everybody else!), and then… 70′s (so… I managed to look STUPID all night!)
No Hennessy! Just the Perrier.

Friends… they are cool. All of them.

I am sweaty.

Jun 20 2006

3 Comments

thoughts

Perspective!

A comment I recieved from my friend Jessica (El Tink!) really made sense to me, it was in response to the questions I had regarding the friendships that I can choose to build up over these next few months before I move. This was the general idea:

You should form as many relationships as you can and enjoy them while you have them, because in the midst of reminscing I realized that I would rather have those memories than have none at all. And then I thought, ‘What if I didnt have those memories? What would I have been thinking about instead?’ Friends come and go but that is what makes life beautiful, that you were able to instill a set of memories that would remain in someone for sometime and that you had the ability to do that to as many people possible!”

This especially makes sense coming from Jessica! When I think about our friendship, it is one that was started during high school, through terrifying times in Track & Field and AP European History. Over time, things became more entertaining than excruciating (using old plastic knives to explore a strange area between a high school and a freeway, and learning about “communists” in class), but after high school we no longer got to see each other much, because we were going to different colleges. Despite the fact that we were not each other’s closest friends and that we did not see each other after graduation, we planned a trip to New York City together, not fearing the fact that we would probably have good times and then not see each other much upon our return. Planning a trip on our own and visiting such a huge place together has turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. It was stressful and extremely difficult to make ends meet, but spending the New Year of 2005 exploring midtown Manhattan (accidentally visiting a cult and getting kicked out of it, strolling into the Jeckyll and Hyde club, rescuing items from the trash outside of Burberry and freezing in the coldest weather we had ever experienced) was a very defining time in my life. That night I realized that while we definitely had our fun, we were adults who had managed to work for and pull off something amazing.

When I think back to that night (and every other night–especially the last!) of the trip, I do feel a bit sad that she and I do not get to spend so much time together any more… We grew very close together those eight days as we pooled our money to buy the cheapest food possible, took the incredibly long train and bus rides back to our ghetto New Jersey hotel, stared in awe at every thing we saw, and splurged the last night to stay at a legendary NYC hotel. Despite knowing that we would not see each other so much after the trip, I do not regret planning it AT ALL. Every moment there was worth all of the work that went into the trip, and those things I just mentioned… those are the memories that stay with you. I cannot tell you much about the Physical Geography class whose final I took just days before the trip, but I could go into vivid details about every minute of that trip.

With this in mind… I am going to stop secluding myself this summer because of thoughts that I will only build up relationships that will not last too long. My heart still aches at some aspects of my personal life. Things could be better in my job situation. I wish I could promise to work on my friendships just as much once school starts. But for now, even if I cannot be completely happy with how things are… I will make the conscious effort to be content. I will work on my friendships regardless of what might happen to them this fall. I would hate to think that I might miss out on experiences even half as huge as those in New York were, just out of a fear for the unknown.

Gracias, El Tink!

Looking Hazy in a Ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria

On the top floor of the Waldorf Astoria, 01/07/05

Jun 12 2006

3 Comments

life in general, thoughts

Blank Slate

I think I figured out that there are people who seem to be having more fun in life than I may be at this point, but they are ultimately not living the kind of life that I want to have. They get paid a lot to work a job that does not have a huge impact on anybody in the end; they constantly are seeing their friends to have “good times,” but end up hiding behind a facade the entire time. When you are feeling sort of blank, it is easy to desire their seemingly easy and fun lifestyle, but I guess it is not worth it. While I despise boredom, why spend my time with people who probably think I am too naive and boring anyway, envying their relationships, when they actually have bigger relationship struggles than I ever hope to deal with?

The question that comes up then is what do I want to do? I know what things are important, but I am not entirely sure how to do those things. I know what kinds of things I miss from weeks, months, and years ago, but I do not know if they are things I should leave alone in the past.

I do believe that my living situation for the next year is finally taken care of. Here’s the thing. Obviously, I am going to learn a lot about myself while I am there, and am going to meet loads and loads of new people. So why am I trying to figure myself out now, before I get there? Maybe I should remain a blank slate over these next few months and just allow myself to adjust when I have moved out and am in a new environment. It is a hard enough thing to be doing right now… and it seems like it will be a waste to build up relationships and put together a lifestyle right now, when I will just have to change everything all over again come September.

I am so different than I ever imagined I would be. Kind of strange.

Between yesterday and today, I have watched three movies starring Owen Wilson, none of which were his obvious comedies. I continue to enjoy films such as Zoolander and Wedding Crashers, and honestly… I do not see how I could find myself lacking in appreciation for films such as those any time soon. I am just impressed by his ability to deliver a good performance even when he is playing a more profound and/or obscure role. I am even more impressed by his screen writing abilities.

So I guess that is something I do know about myself right now, that I just realized very recently. I, Esther Hamm, am an Owen Wilson fan. Furthermore, I have lost interest in most of the normal movies that are coming out, but have taken an interest in children’s movies. Within the past two weeks I have watched Over the Hedge and Cars and completely enjoyed both movies more than any other movie I have watched in a long time. And you better believe that I am excited for at least 2 other children’s movies that are coming out soon.Â Wiiiierd.

Jun 08 2006

1 Comment

life in general

Umm…

Brie and baby carrots! Who knew?!? Not I!

I do not really know what is up with my work situation. The camera may have to wait a little longer.

Without being able to post pictures and with no new thoughts on things, I am at a loss for what to do with this website!

Tomorrow I end two weeks of laziness. Time to do a lot of reading and running of errands in my general area.

Does anybody think it would be possible for me to survive living in a triple occupancy dorm room? Keep in mind that I have not shared a room since I was 9, and even then, it was a very large room. And that right now I am used to having three closets. To myself. I have been spoiled and I never even realized it!

Jun 03 2006

Today.

I am completely eating up all my words about how last week was “the end of an era,” with my last day of work at It’s a Grind and whatnot. This weekend I worked a few shifts! And I am working a little this week! And on Saturday, I am dropping my boss off at the airport! We’re saying that I am doing them a favor, but in reality, they are doing me a bit of one because I was missing it so much after only 3 days. Watch when I end up staying the whole summer. That will be sad. Or will it?
This weekned was nice. Very very nice. And I still have tomorrow. Sweet. I love my (ex?) co-workers. If any of you are reading this, thank you so much for being so amazing. A big congratulations to a friend who figured out the secret to happiness last night. I am super excited for you.

I got new brakes! A “thank you” to my wonderful parents.

I am going to see The Walkmen! For how hard I tried to see music played live on a regular basis when I was 15, 16, and 17, it’s kind of funny that this will be my first visit to a venue since December.

“Finally close the door, you’ve left open wide.

Come here, sit next to me.

I’ll tell you about a dream.”

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Posted in June 2006 …