I would not necessarily say that a battle I am constantly fighting is one against depression; while it is something I have dealt with a few times in my life, I do not believe it is something that is always working against. This is something that I am definitely thankful for; I cannot imagine what it would be like to really live my entire life dealing with the difficulties of depression.
I think that what I tend to struggle with more is just… a lack of balance. I love to be happy, but often times when things are going good, I start to add more and more to my proverbial plate, to the point where I stop being able to take care of the different responsibilities I have served myself. Usually when this happens, I reach a breaking point, and I end up ditching too many good things. When this happens, I start getting bored and start doing useless things. This is the point that I am at right now.
I alluded to this at the beginning of the post, but again, I would honestly not say that I am depressed right now, I am just frustrated with how things are going. When I first cut my hours down at work, it was real nice, but now that the initial benefits have worn off, I am finding myself wasting time. What is probably the most frustrating thing is that I can not look back on my day and say exactly what I was doing with my time. Even when I am able to name the things that I have done, usually I am not happy with those activities.
Something else that I have once again realized is that one of the easiest ways to bring yourself down is to bring another person down by talking about them. This is something that I have known for a while but allowed myself to do… and honestly, being in the know is not always all that it is cracked up to be, this is an example of an activity that does not please me to look back on.
The problem with my schedule getting unbalanced is that my happiness starts to waver. This causes my motivation to get thrown off, and then even though I have loads of extra time, I do not do the things that need to get taken care of. My eating habits also go to hell, which I am sure also affects my mood.
Because I know myself well enough, I know that continuing in this way will eventually lead to depression, and this is something that is completely worth all efforts to avoid.
I need to get all aspects back on track, which is something that I am planning on starting (with help from others as well as a little… “divine intervention”) basically… tonight. Well tomorrow. Because right now I need to sleep because the general public likes for their Barista’s to wake up early enough to feed their coffee and bagel addictions.
Expect more zealous entries in the near future!
