Changeable.net

Where do the days go? Why is it already the end of July?

In the course of this last week, the Hamm family has become increasingly stressed out.

1. Even though we have a buyer for the house already, we have to keep everything looking perfect because there are still all of these inspections that we have to go through and can happen at any time. I hope that these inspector folk and my mother do not look under my bed, behind my bedroom door, under my bathroom sink, or inside of my closet, because all hell has broken loose in these areas.

2. The escrow was continuing to move along with our house and my parents still had not figured out what kind of living arrangments they wanted. It became increasingly annoying to be dragged along to look at apartment after apartment and house after house. They have finally decided on a mobile home. Did you read that correctly? A MOBILE HOME. I have seen the particular mobile home that they want and the inside is amazing. It is real big and real nice and size-wise, it is perfect for our family and all of the junk that we possess. So I love everything about it except the fact that it is what it is; a mobile home in a park. This was troubling at first, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense, as much as I hate to admit it. The money that my parents make from selling the house will finally enable them to pay off the debt they’ve been dealing with for my whole life. Don’t mess with credit cards, kids, they will screw you up and you won’t break free until you sell a house. Anyway, they’ll be free of this debt that has been so overpowering for so long while still having enough money to take a nice vacation (the kind we have never been able to take) in december, and having enough money to buy property. So yes, I am okay with the idea of a mobile home as long as nobody is mean about it, and however childish it seems, please don’t be mean about it because it really is a touchy issue with me.

3. The two women who currently own the mobile home are not the easiest people to work with. I could tell you at least 5 tales about them and I have never even met them. The main thing, however, is that they are insisting on a 45 day escrow, one that will not officially begin until tomorrow, and the escrow on our current house (the normal month-length escrow) is already a few weeks underway which means that we will spend the better part of a month living out of a hotel room. Only three of us will be doing this, however, because somehow amidst all of this, my brother has to move back up to Santa Barbara for school. Which leads us to the next thing.

4. I will be starting school the exact week we get kicked out of our current house. Very convenient. I get to live out of a suitcase in a room with my parents while I start the schoolwork for a semester I desperately want to do well in.

5. Last week my brother’s parked car was involved in a 4 car accident in the way early morning caused by a drunk driver. The insurance company is being INCREDIBLY difficult and will not even really start to work on the case for a month. We already know it would cost over $7,000 to fix my brother’s car, and that is not happening, so he needs to get another car, and pronto, because if you refer to worry #3, he’s moving soon and kind of needs his car before then. But he goes to a pricey college and as a typical college student, is pretty broke. He has to put his own money out to buy another car while the insurance company gets their crap together. The car accident is also causing other (less significant) complications involving car shuffeling and sharing cars and rides.

6. I will be celebrating my 19th birthday in a room at the local motel 6.

You can only listen to so much of The Cure, XTC, Cheap Trick, and New Radicals before realizing that honey, music ain’t gon’ fix yo problem this time.

New York was great, I actually made a post about it at my myspace. As for now, I feel sort of despaired and I do not know why. I guess I wish I was just somewhere else, doing something else, in a sense, being something else.

Question for everybody: what are your thoughts and opinions/ how do you feel about medicating depression and/or seeing a psychologist or therapist?

In twelve hours I will be up above the clouds and headed out of California.

It will cost me an arm and a leg, but ALL of you on my friends list are welcome to call me and talk for like a minute, it will be fun. 5627614646. Say hello, let me know what’s up, I’ll tell you what I am doing at the exact time, and it will be fun. So if you’re bored, go for it.

I do not know what my internet access situation will be, but if it is possible to update, I will.

These past few days have been kind of interesting.

Wednesday night I went out dancing with my friend Mandy, and it was an interesting night of its own. Mandy knows a lot of people, so we did not have to wait in the long long line to get in, we got to go straight to the front. It was fun, but there was this guy who kept buying us drinks, we were like… okay, thanks wierdo but no way were we going to drink those things, he could have put stuff in them. He kept being a jerk, he really wanted to dance with Mandy even though she has a boyfriend and all of that, at first her friend Candice and I just laughed, but it started to get kind of serious. We then figured out he was the lead singer in Avenged Sevenfold. Mandy felt bad about being mean to him because it took some harsh words to get him away, and he’s friends with a lot of people she knows, but… he deserved it. It makes me lose respect for that band, not that I really had any to begin with. The rest of the night was real fun.

It turns out that our house is back on the market and we are having an open house tomorrow. Groan.

Only two more days of work before leaving for New York!

Yesterday, when my parents first informed me that they were accepting an offer they got on the house I was upset for a few moments, but I was able to get over it. I was surprisingly very happy about the news for a number of reasons. For one, this is happening just in time to liberate us from the open house we were going to have this coming weekend. I am happy to not hide my valuables (these come in the form of compact disks, movies, clothes, shoes, and the like. actual valuables would not be found in here, ha.) and worry about groups of people wandering through my room and searching through my underwear drawers. I no longer have to drag myself out of bed early in the morning becuase some agent with a potential buyer is allowed to barge into my room during business hours. My room is allowed to get a little bit messy. I know that by the time I get back from my trip, I will probably be launched into Phase 2 of this whole ordeal which will be packing everything up and moving out, so the stress is going to be coming back before long, but for now I will be happy. Plus, the selling of the house allows for a trip and possibly more financial help in paying for college? We’ll see.

It depends on where I end up going to college and oh man, I do not want to go through this whole college decision conversation right now, that’s a different thought process all together, one which is better left alone.

Since we’ve successfully moved from being an optimistic post to being a worried post…

I really need to go to the doctor so I can get a strong muscle relaxer. This will help both with the wierd spazzy thing my hands have been doing these past few weeks, as well as provide a… “mellow” state of mind and body, one that would make falling asleep a more fun and less memorable event. As for now I am tense, my hands are doing the wierd thing, and once again I cannot sleep even though I have work in a few hours.

I ended up not going to Warped, I was just too tired to even bother with it this morning.

Instead I went to Borders and looked through New York and Boston travel books, bought a couple (Zagat and New York Times guide to the city), and I got a new sense of excitment about the trip. It was nice to go to a coffee shop other than my own and sit in a cushy chair, read some books, and drink coffee for a few hours.

My renewed excitment about the trip (I actually was starting to regret the plans for a little while, but I’m good now) caused me to go shopping and get more things for New York/Boston… shoes, a new purse, travel sized shampoos and soaps and stuff, sunblock, a new memory card for my camera, the works. I just want to get some more summery clothes and then I will be good.

My sleep schedule is so messed up.

I was not going to go to Warped Tour tomorrow but then I was… but then I decided not to and then I was going to again, and now I am on the fence. Considering I have not slept at all and I am closing at work tomorrow/tonight, throwing an outdoor festival deal into the mix might not be the best thing.

Yesterday/Today (thursday) I had to go to UCLA to return some books, I haven’t paid the fees for them yet though.

I have this thing, where whenever I visit a college, I have a sudden urge to go to that university. So yes, I have a renewed intrest in UCLA. But arghhhhhh too many places to pick from. My application fees are going to add up so fast with all the places I will end up applying to.

I have been in kind of a wierd mood these past few days. So at peace, yet so bothered and frustrated. We are having a yard sale on Saturday. I still have such mixed feelings about moving. I wish whatever’s going to happen would just hurry up and happen.

It’s a strange feeling when you look at old friends and realize they are in the same position you were in two years earlier, at least interest-wise. The things you used to get teased for liking suddenly do not seem so dorky and unimportant. When I first became aware of this I thought that these friends were being silly and it was easy to make myself feel supierior to them in a been there / done that kind of way. Then I thought about it some more and it does not really matter, because if they are indeed in the same place I was in 2 years ago, I might be in the same position they were in at that time too. This would mean that while I think this show they are putting on is silly and pointless, it does not matter because they think I am boring and commonplace. We are both going through phases in our lives that we recognize in each other, yet these latest situations… they still seem new and exciting to us individually. Despite this revelation, it is still easy to think that I was more ‘radical’ in going through that first, and it is better for me to go through what they went through now, as they go through something that is not new… I really need to stop and just go to bed because I am almost positive I do not make sense anymore.

Sorry my livejournal has turned into more of a place where I write when I just need to get thoughts out of my head so that I can sleep. I do want to bring back my website, but I need a good layout. Whenever I even get started on a layout I end up giving up in the middle of my effort and getting things like this. If anybody wants to help me get a layout and a good publishing system (movable type perhaps? I am completely over greymatter) running, let me know. Because that will make things better.

Okay, goodnight.