Changeable.net

Sunday was one of the worst days I have had in a long while. There were small moments of happiness, but for the most part I was miserable. I do not know why I am writing about it really, because I refuse to go in to too many details. I got into a (small small small) accident in a parking lot, which completely sucked… especially considering that I had gotten into another (small small small) accident in a parking lot on Saturday. My day had already been going downhill before the accident on Sunday though, the accident was just the icing on the cake. I haven’t told my parents yet about the second accident because accidents aren’t my thing! I never expected for me to really be in an accident, much less one that was my fault, and now I have caused two in a weekend. Hurray for dent resistant Saturns, boo for the easily scratched paint that they coat the cars with. Anyway, you can see how unfocused I am and how screwed up I have managed to become in the past week. I was crying while closing at work, I just felt helpless. Amy actually helped me close even though she doesn’t work there anymore and she was in the middle of a date. Love that girl, I miss her. At the end of the night I wanted to just fall asleep, but my mom did not want to let me sleep until I told her what was wrong, but every single thing feels so embarassing. Everything was so terrible!

Today was better. I went with my family up to the mountains, saw some places we used to go to when I was younger, had a nice time together, etc. We ate a delicious New York Steak dinner, and I watched Life is Beautiful again with my brother, it was as amazing as it was the first time I watched it.

My room is coming together nicely, but there is still a lot of work to be done. Pictures will be up once there is really something worth looking at.

Summer is off to a great start.

All of the magic in my room is happening tomorrow! Bright and early in the morning, Mary and I are taking EVERYTHING out and cleaning and painting. And then the carpet dry cleaning people are coming. And then while everything is drying, Mary and I are building a bunch of new furniture.

I got a new bed, I am never happy with my bed choices (and Christina, don’t even think of telling me to pick prettier boys, haha), so we’ll see how long this bed lasts. My last bed I had from June of 2004 until now. The bed before that I had for most of high school. I had another bed for a year before that, and then a loft bed for about 2 years, and then 2 other beds and then a crib, I imagine. I don’t think you all really wanted to know my bed history, but there you have it.

Anyway we’re putting together two dressers and a bunch of other stuff, not to mention the bed. It feels good when you finish building something without any help from an “adult” or “a man.” It would make me feel even better if the things worked when we built them. We tried building a dresser already, it doesn’t work so great, haha.

My work schedule is switched up so much for next week! I don’t mind, but I bet I’ll be confused at some point. Basically, I’m working on all the days I never work and am not working on the days I usually do. Strange stuff. Work was good tonight, everything went smoothly.

Yesterday I went with Amy to this amazing salon and got the best manicure and pedicure ever. I think I am going to get a massage there soon.
I’m going to go to my parents’ house now, that’s where my makeshift bed is for tonight. Yeah.

I’m officially done with classes and finals and all that, but I still have two papers that need to be emailed away. Procrastination is not so great.

Today I had a scholarship reception and it was MISERABLE. It was hot, crowded, sunny, and you had to sit according to your scholarship, so I did not sit by anybody who I knew. Oh, except a friend who I am not on the best terms with right now. I do not quite understand what she was doing there, she transferred out of lbcc already but no matter (there is so much drama happening now, spinning off from my break up with Nate).

I read an entry in my brother’s blog that made me want to just drive away, up to monterey and stare at Cannery row, eat a pizza, and come down a glass elevator. Not because he wrote something terrible, haha, but he wrote about this trip down memory lane that we took and I don’t know. Monterey feels so blank to me but so meaningful at the same time? I don’t think I can explain what goes through me there, everything just seems still.

Already my summer is going well. Hanging out with Amy and Mary was fun last night, I hung out with Mary again today (we watched a four episodes of a particular show, you should not have to ask what show it was), plans have been made to start redoing my room next week (paint will be involved), NYC or another large scale trip will take place this summer and yeah.

I really need to go CD shopping.

Allow me to take a moment of your time and announce that I am screwed. My only condolence is knowing that in 5 hours I will have finished my first year of college. How I am supposed to crank out a 10 page paper (so far I have my intro and my works cited page) and take two finals in this period of time is beyond me, but we’ll see what happens.

After all of this school business Amy and I are going to relax and get our nails done and then get pretty and go to LA to celebrate freedom (from school for me, from work for her). Haha, I am so tired though. I see a lot of coffee drinking happening today.

I got a scholarship for next year. I know I only go to community college, but every little bit helps, even if I did not have to pay very much in the first place. I like the feeling of knowing that I am getting funds based on my achievements and not other factors. My only hope is that it’s not like $50 or something because that will be embarassing, haha.

Today was the day I had to have everything done by. I managed to wake up later than I wanted to today (I was going to wake up real early to write) and I only went to one class today. I skipped my english class and didn’t have my paper for that class, but it’s okay, it was only a rough draft. I turned my book review, my museum report, and my reading notes in to my history teacher, which gave me about 375 points more in the class. I did not have my final to turn in, but my history instructor, being the wonderful person he is, doesn’t care and said to just email any assignments to him by Sunday. So I am okay. By no means am I done yet with all my work this semester, but I am done for tonight.

Oh yeah, the LBCC division of the Long Beach Police Department had some fun with me today. I got a parking ticket. And I rode in the back of a cop car. The two events are unrelated, but they both happened.

Crazy day.

Time for a bath, some food, a movie, and some sleep!

So do you want to know what’s funny? Between my English and History classes, I have Forty pages of writing to do by THURSDAY. This thursday. As in the day after tomorrow. Luckily I was able to get my shift covered at work for tomorrow, that relieves a lot of stress. But still. And that’s even though I turned in an eight page paper today. I need this thursday to be done with, and then I will have no more worries about because I will have either:
a) finished everything and gotten it all turned in.
or
b) screwed up big time and realized that my grades are out of my hands at that point.

Either way, friday is what I am working towards.

My arm is doing better, I got it checked out yesterday. I am now allowed to take real showers so long as I am all done up in saran wrap from my wrist to my shoulder.

I had a counselor meeting today, he suggested studying communications at USC next year. I’m happy because I am managing to hold down 30+ hours of work a week and still take on a full load of classes, making me be able to transfer in two years, and putting me on the path to graduate in the “normal” four year period. In the end, I don’t really care if it takes me 4 or 5 years to graduate, but I still like that I am able to do all of that. I’m not too proud though, I know there’s only one reason I am able to do this and only one reason why I am still able to be glad despite the stress.

I throw up my hands
“Oh, the impossibilities”
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I’m searching for the confidence I’ve lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You’re telling me that there’s no hope.
I’m telling you your wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

old school relient k.

My Day:

-woke up at 11am (yesterday was a long long day, so this was hardly enough sleep, even though I woke up kind of late).
-took a shower, went to IHOP, got an omlette.
-got to work at 12pm.
-tried to open a box at 12:30pm, sliced a big part of my arm out with a razor in the process.
-cried in the back of the store and freaked out about what we should do (it was the nastiest cut I’ve ever had).
-left work at 12:50pm to go to the ER.
-sat in the waiting room and then in my own curtained room for a few hours doing nothing.
-had my arm admired by the nurses (“that’s such a nice cut! it’s a textbook wound! we should take a picture!”).
-had my arm stitched up at 4:45pm. Six stitches. I got to pick my color, at least.
-signed some papers and left the ER at 5pm.
-went home and ate dinner, picked up a pizza to take to people at work.
-went back to work (because they were real short staffed today and I felt bad about skipping out of my shift after only half an hour) at 6pm, brought the pizza with me.
-did some work for a few hours, left at 9:30pm, stole coffee.
-and now I am here.

The day seemed so eventful as it was happening, but looking back, it was a pretty lame day. I took some pictures of my “beautiful wound,” but I’ll spare you guys the mess. Actually, I would not care about keeping the mess concealed, but I have yet to figure out how to get the pictures from my phone onto my computer. There’s some issues with the insurance now, because it’s a worker’s (workman’s?) comp situation and yeah. Hopefully it’ll all work out.

It seems that project: move out of parent’s house and get an apartment is a no-go. To be honest, I am not surprised, but in the end not so dissapointed. The timing is not right yet, and I can deal with it. Amy and I have decided that instead of blowing our money on an apartment, we’re going to blow it on a trip. I might end up going to New York for a second time this year. Wee.

The other day I cashed in the coins from my last three weeks of tips and bought a new outfit and Season 3 of gilmore girls. I’m going to go watch a few episodes and get some sleep.

I have been pretty good lately. Everything seems to be falling into place, it almost feels like things are too good to be true, however corny that is. I am not saying that things are perfect because let me tell you, there has been some major drama and some stressing, but I am overlooking it, and I am pleased.

I think that I am the happiest when I keep busy. Not to say that it is good to ignore your problems, but I would say that keeping myself from dwelling on things too much is probably a good thing.

At work, my boss has been pretty nice to me and appreciative of my work, so that has been good. Even though there’s some shifting and some people are leaving and others are just getting hired, I love my coworkers, I wish I could see them more often. Haha, I just realized that this week I am working as many hours as my mom does at her full-time job, while working through 13.5 units of school.

I still am very backed up with assignments, but all my instructors are being cool. I am getting to be better friends with people in my classes. For example, on Saturday, we went out in a big group (about 20, although that picture is just Mary and I) for my friend Natalie’s birthday and it was lots of fun. More about school? My English professor is encouraging and really likes what I am doing for my final project. Even though I was not involved in the honors club this semester, they’re giving me an officer position for next semester, which will look awesome on my college applications. I only have one year left at lbcc, and then I will be ready to transfer. I have decided that I love Communications and that will be my major, even if it is supposedly a bad major. It makes me happy, and that is what I am going for.

I have been listening to a lot of good music lately. Damien Rice and The Cure have a never ending ability to make me glad.

I hope I do not sound extra lame here. I am just estatic because for the first time in a few years, I am actually having a “happy” period of time. Not just a good day or a good week, but a good year. And it can only get better with the summer coming.