Changeable.net

Stuff going on apart from school:

~So far I’ve only talked to one person about some family drama that I have going on right now. And today I got some more news which I think will ruin me even further emotionally.
~I have already lost contact with so many people from high school/from my past and I don’t know how I feel about it. On the one hand I am sad that some friendships have gone to waste, but on the other hand I guess I feel like something better is yet to come.
~I have been bitten by the travel bug and I am as anxious as ever to book everything up for my trip to NYC this winter. Also, I don’t know if I mentioned it yet or not, but I am considering doing a study-abroad dealy next summer in Italy.
~In the past 2 weeks I have helped decorate 2 rooms. One of the rooms I didn’t really do much… just helped Ramany dig through bins at IKEA to find some awesome bedding, but yes, that has been fun.
~I tried thai food last night. Now, this isn’t to offend anybody, but in the past I have not really liked asian food at all. But last night’s meal… oh man that was good. Everything tasted so different than I had expected it to!
~I cannot fall asleep when it is quiet because then I think too much about all the things that are going on with me right now which I cannot really talk about. I have fallen asleep every night since friday with my fan on full blast simply for the noise it makes, and with my television on. No, I am not doing my part in helping California’s energy crisis, but I have my own things to worry about.

~Today I went with Nate to a bakery where we got some sanwiches and I got a blueberry+cream cheese croissant. Great times!

So with two days of college under my belt, I have been to each of my classes one time each. And here is my first impression of each of them.

Piano 51A: BORING! Seriously. When I registered for my classes I was so excited about this class, but it is so lame. It’s mostly learning proper playing posture and learning how to read music. And I already know both. I’m thinking of dropping this class. I have this class with Mary, and she’s considering switching to the next level of piano, but I think I would rather just teach myself.

English 1H: I think I would enjoy this class more if I were a guy. I mean, I’m not attracted to the teacher or anything like that, lol, but I think I can say that she is the prettiest teacher I’ve ever had. Then again, the second prettiest teacher I’ve had was Ms. Hedberg and I think everybody would agree she wasn’t too great. But yeah, anyway the class seems pretty good. Mary is in this class too. Steve Condoretti and this Kimberly chick (she went to Millikan… I’m sure Dani at least knows who she is because I know she went to Newcomb. I didn’t know her much, but she didn’t seem too vile yesterday, so…) are also in here.

Physical Geography 1: Aww my proffesor here is a cute old british man with a cute old british accent and his name is Nigel, so he gets extra points in my book. His class seems easy enough, and I think that it’s about the most interesting science class I have ever taken, so that’s good for me. Umm Josh Galang’s sister Tiana is in this class. I didn’t talk to her or anything, but she’s the only person I recognized.

Political Science 1: I do not have an opinion really about this teacher yet. I’m sure the class will be interesting since I’m taking it during the presedential campagin and election, but the teacher didn’t make clear what his beliefs were and it won’t be until I know that I’ll decide whether I like him or dislike him. I don’t know anybody in this class.

Cultural Anthropology 1H: This guy is so awesome. Seriously. I mean, he has some whacked out beliefs, but he’s so interesting and seems like the perfect person to be learning anthropology from. I’m taking this with non other than Julie Gerlinger. It wasn’t half bad though, we actually talked and it was fine.

It’s kind of funny. My classes make it look like I’m majoring in social studies or something.

Seeing how I’m only working around once or twice a week (which I am not complaining about; I don’t want to work 5 days a week or any thing like that) and I’m thinking of dropping piano, I think I will shoot for perfect attendance and straight a’s.

So I think I’ll go to class on my birthday after all. Which will suck but I figure I can do breakfast with Nate (since we’re birthday buddies! wooo!) at this place we always go to, and then we can still go out at night or something. And then this weekend I’m supposed to go out with my family to dinner because my brother moves the day before my birthday (which I’m still upset about, by the way).

All of these birthday activities, and yet I know that as of now I am not yet getting anything from my family, because I’m supposed to buy my own birthday gifts. Isn’t that thoughtful? Meh. I’m such a complainer, you should hear me in person. Don’t worry, I’m aware it’s annoying.

Sorry for the pointless post, I’m sort of tired.

HOLY CRAP

I just screwed myself up real bad. I forgot I had a meeting which I was supposed to go to this past friday. It was mandatory to my addmitance to the honors program. Crap crap crap. If I’m not in the program I’ll survive, but two of the classes which I’m registered for are honors classes and without those classes I’ll only have… 8 units. CRAAAAP! And I already bought books for one of the honors classes. I REALLY hope that they’re lenient with me, but I don’t deserve it. I’m so screwed. I can’t take this!

My weekend has been SO emotionally stressful, and I keep messing everything up. I serously can’t handle my life right now! AND I’m still completely opposed to the idea of me starting college tomorrow. CRAP!

i am going to go freak out on my own now, thanks.

Today has been crappy to say the least. Plenty of family drama and sleep-deprivation. Nate and I hung out, and it would have been good, but I fell asleep and was out of it because I was thinking about how I felt about my family and the stuff that’s happening.

Oh, and I officially start college on Monday. What’s up with that? I’m not ready for a semester of school!

Aaaa work is so much fun, but my arms hurt so bad!

It’s kind of funny, they just throw you out there without really explaining everything, so I was just sort of pretending I knew what I was doing. I would turn around and look really interested in the waffle bowls (which I really love making for some reason) whenever we got a tip, because I didn’t know the songs. Yeah, and whenever people ordered a creation, I’d have to stare at the wall which explains what they all are and the customers thought I was crazy. Annnd the first time somebody payed with a credit card I got real confused because the cash door was popping open and the machine was beeping and… yeah, that part wasn’t too cool.

Haha, it was funny though, my boss sort of called me last minute to go in yesterday, so I just sort of threw on some old khakis, and they were “flooding.” It cracked me up. The uniform isn’t too bad either. I mean, I don’t like the shirt, but it gets covered by an apron that’s kind of sparkly and cute.

So far, everybody who I’ve met is pretty nice, and I got 6 bucks for tips even though I was only making ice cream and stuff for 2 hours (the other 2 I was finishing training and filling out my w-4 crap), so that was cool.

In summary: I love work, tips are cool, I go along pretending I know what I’m doing, my arms hurt, and I come home with sticky arms, smelling of vanilla and sweet cream.

sigh. Today I hung out with Nate and his cousin. There weren’t any problems with them, we had a good time. But later on at his house, we went in Monica’s room for a second. I knew it was a bad idea, but I hadn’t been in there since last year or the year before and I was real curious. Plus the door was open, so I took a peak. It was so wierd to see her room with only pictures of Ben and Laura up, along with some posters (simple plan, avril, and that fefe girl or whatever her name was, in case you were wondering). All of the old collages of us, our bulliten board, the picture frames… all gone to a file box labeled “Esther.” It was real hard. I mean, no, I don’t have mounds and mounds of pictures up of her, but a) I just moved to a new room, and b) I do have a picture frame that she gave me up. It’s just something I would have rather not dealt with. But I made the choice to go in there, so that’s what I get. Then tonight Laura called me around 11:30 or midnight asking if I knew where Monica’s family was, because she didn’t have a key and couldn’t get inside. Honestly, would it have been so hard for Monica to call me herself? I know she was probably standing next to Laura.

I’m just thinking of how I wrote her a long letter where I really put my emotions on the line… I told her everything I was feeling, and I told her that I’d like to put all of these unspoken issues that we have behind us and a bunch of stuff like that which were completely true, letting her know that I would die of happiness if she called me or came over just for a second just to say hi. But I never heard anything about that, and she still seems to be having the best summer of her life. I guess because it’s the first summer in 8 years where she’s completely free of me.

I really am trying to move on, but it’s hard when your boyfriend is the brother of your former best friend. I still have this hope that we’ll be friends, lol. I know, I’m a tard. I really am aware that things are over in our friendship, but… if she ever were to talk to me and be friendly, would it be hypocritical of me to get close to her again?

Argh who knows.

I leave you with a .

• I start work on monday!
• I get lots of moneyyyy, so I can finally finish making my car work well
• I saw Napolean Dynamite today, and uhh… yeah, everybody keeps talking about how hilarious it is, but I thought it was pretty dumb. I mean… yeah. It wasn’t that hilarious.
• I sort of caused an emotional mess, but it got fixed, I think.
• My dog is playing wih a little ball, but it’s funny because he still has to wear the cone thing because of his owie. Anyway, he can’t touch the ball, so he just has it in his mouth, and then he’s standing on his back to legs trying to get the ball with his paws, and yeah… it’s pretty funny. He stays up for like 5 seconds and then topples over =)
• Nate’s cousins are funny. One of them drives like he’s trying to be cool, and the other one thinks he’s ghetto. Muahahahahaha, I wouldn’t even be mentioning this bullet, but Mr. Danieli’mnate’scousin wants to read it, soooo…. yeah, ghetto boy. Nice shirt. It’s umm… tight. muahahahahahaha.
• I’m not remotely funny.

Ok, sorry to whoever reads that, I know I’m a tard.

sigh.

I just…. don’t even want to write about this crap.

Aside from the fact that I get to pick EJ up tomorrow (hopefully I’ll at least have a RIDE there) and that I have an interview tomorrow, I feel so messed up and forgotten right now.

I’m still dealing with pain from everything with Monica, and now there’s a sleepover tonight that I want to be at, but all the people who said they’d tell me about it didn’t and… it’s just a mess. And I still miss Nate. I wonder if he’ll still be able to take me to pick up my car tomorrow. Because he randomly dissapeared. Everybody’s always gone and I’m just an emotional wreck!

How should I put this?

All of the sites which I used to find interesting are now boring. The author’s of the journals I used to read don’t write anymore. Too much has been happening for me to keep writing it all down. I’m not taking a break from livejournal, but I really wish I could just hurry up and finish oh-heck-no.net. Yeah, I dunno… I just don’t have it in me to really update, I guess.

Here’s a bit though:
-I miss Nate (his cousins are in town and we’ve both been busy, so we’ve only seen each other once in the past week and a half)
-I am getting a job (either telephone interviewing or ice cream… not sure which one yet)
-I had a great time last week camping with Christina and Dani
-Where is Dani, anyway?
-I have been hanging out a lot and talking on the phone with a lot of people who I haven’t gotten to spend that much time with, so it’s been cool.
-I’m sooo excited for NYC this winter. So far it’s only Tink and I for sure, but now Melissa and William are thinking of coming along too, so that’ll be cool.
-My formerly-beloved car, EJ (short for ebeneezer joel) is being pretty bad to me, and I am looking at the possibility of getting a better car.
-I start college in…. 2 weeks? Or something like that.