Changeable.net

Today was really boring
I got out of bed really late because my alarm clock has broken and I cannot afford a new one at the moment.

I feel good because today I getting my lip pierced! Finally! Mom said I could and she’s signed the forms and EVERYTHING!

I’m so happy. I just found out that I have been accepted into Harvard. And Yale. I don’t know which to choose… oh, why is life so hard sometimes?

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda’s friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I’d post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world that my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!

I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I’ve been in prison.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here’s ten thousand photographs of my cat.

I want to say thanks to the academy for giving me this award.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It’s amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you’re a moron.

All of this is so true, I promise you.

That’s enough for now. But I’ll leave you with this poem I wrote. It’s about my friend Robert, who has bipolar disorder. Just like me. And Heidi.

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I was going to fill out an insanely long survey, but then I decided to spare everybody the boredom. It was the same old questions, so I decided to go for something slightly different from my buddy Moses. So I’ll shut up now….

1.Go into your LJ’s archives.
2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4.Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions

And my 5th sentance was… ” Mmm I can still smell him.”

Wow, I’m so deep it scares me. Okay, no. But it was fun, right? Right. I’m massively bored, my apologies.

taken from …

gum: juicy fruit and fruit a burst
restaurant: bj’s for their fettucini alfredo. pizza place+garden cafe for all other itallian needs. el burrito jr. for mexican. Ummm I don’t know, lots of places.
drink: water, orange juice, yoohoo, diet pepsi, coke
season: fall.
type of weather: slightly warm or slightly cool. not hot or cold.
emotion: excited/happy
thing to do on a half day: sleep or work on something.
late-night activity: driving, watching movies, talking.
sport: i’m not very sporty, okay? I like to watch some extreme sports, I don’t like to play any sports.
city: that I’ve been to? Los Angeles/Hollywood.
store: urban outfitters and anthropologie. and victoria’s secret. and border’s. and peanut’s revenge.
When was the last time you..
cried: hmmm sunday.
played a sport: I did some batting cage crap at boomer’s that one night. But I haven’t ever really played a sport, lol.
laughed: about a half hour ago, with Nate.
hugged someone: about a half hour ago.
kissed someone: lol… November 1.
felt depressed: sunday.
felt elated: hmm two friday’s ago? I don’t know, spring break.
felt overworked: right now.
faked sick: I don’t fake sick.
lied: Ummm I don’t know…. :tries to think:
What was the last..
word you said: “you made my ear ring!” (don’t ask)
thing you ate: pizza
song you listened to: All Warm Armor for Sleep
thing you drank: water
place you went to: baskin robbins.
movie you saw: 13 going on 30
movie you rented: School of Rock.
concert you attended: It was supposed to be March 21. But no. So February 21 I think it was.
Who was the last person you..
hugged: Nate
cried over: ummm.. I don’t know
kissed: lets say my dad. on the cheek.
danced with: haha Tink, yesterday morning.
shared a secret with: I can’t think of a secret. But I’d guess Dani(ella)
had a sleepover with: Dani a few weeksers ago
called: umm… my mom.
went to a movie with: mary
saw: My dad
were angry with: I can’t say because I don’t want to cause problems.
couldn’t take your eyes off of: lol, I don’t know.
obsessed over: a celeb, or in real life?
Have you ever..
danced in the rain: =( I wish.
kissed someone: jes
done drugs: nah
drank alcohol: nyquil. muahahahaha. and at house of blues. muahahahahaha.
slept around: oh yeah, you know me. muahahaha.
partied ’til the sun came up: sort of. not like… partying, but at sleep overs and stuff? sure!
had a movie marathon: yes
gone too far on a dare: yes
spun until you were immensely dizzy: yes
taken a survey quite like this before: yes

I managed to get incredibly angry and Monica and Laura today. Yep. The source of a lot of my hurt and anger in the past year has come through Monica’s writings, and today, Nate and I read through them. She writes with so much hate, so much disrespect. And Monica and Laura did something real lame. I don’t even want to get into it, but it has to do with the position that was open at the church and whatnot. While I still have this want for our friendship to be good, and while I know I’ll probably end up wanting to make things well again, as of tonight, I don’t really care. Maybe if she talks to me and tells me what’s going on in her head I’ll understand, but as of now… she’s just crazy, as far as I’m concerned. Crazy and brainwashed. And the way I see it, nothing’s going to change.

Nate and I both were real upset but we still had fun through the upsetness, lol. It’s amusing almost. Anyway, at this point, the steam has blown away and I’m just sort of… I don’t know. Upset, but anxious to know what makes a person act that way.

I’m debating whether or not to make this post public or not. On the one hand, it’s very touchy, so making it friends only or even private seems to make a lot of sense. But on the other hand… I may just be an evil whore who might just have left a message in Monica’s guestbook with a link pointing towards here. And maybe just maybe I want her to see this? I don’t know. I guess I’ll make it friends only.

I still don’t know what all happened to our friendship. Sucks, doesn’t it? The one thing your certain of in life is a solid friendship, but even that doesn’t work out. I guess… ack, I’ll stop. Watch next week I want to be good friends with her again. And I know I will be too. But some of this crap, I will not take any longer. I don’t even make sense anymore.

Fín.

basically my parents are dissapointed in me. they have a right to be, i’ve made a huge mess out of this school year. it just kills me though. it’s overwhelming how much they care and it’s hard when their words which are usually loving, gentle, and encouraging turn to harsh words which they have to use to make me get to work. it kills me how much i kill them when i dont listen. it kills me how i feel like they dont understand, when in reality, i know they do understand and they’ve been through this before and are trying to keep me from messing up. it kills me that my mom was trying to look through my pile of college stuff and help me make some decisions when she came across a report card i had to hide from her, and that it’s what started this whole thing off. it kills me that what they’re telling me now is to work hard so that i “do less bad” instead of to work hard so that i do as good as i always do. it kills me that they really are trying to do the best that they can for me but that it’s so hard for me to accept it that way. it kills me that they compare me to my brother and cousins because they did better, but it kills me even more that they’re right. i know i’m intelligent (i’m not trying to sound snobby. but i’m not dumb, and i know that) and that i could be doing so well in school right now). it kills me that my goal in high school was to graduate in the top 40 and that i know i wont have that anymore. it kills me how i’ve limited myself. it kills me that i don’t think my senior project is going to turn out as would be hoped for. it kills me to think of how hard i’m going to work. it kills me that thinking of this opportunity to learn from my mistakes is hurting me so much.

by the way. nobody seemed to be supportive of my idea of working at my church. so i’m sorry to say that i think i’m going to go back and work at martiz again. they said they’d take me back. maybe they’d give me a different position. or maybe not, but it can’t hurt to try, i guess.

I don’t remember my username and crap for that bzoink site. But I’m mighty bored. Sooo I’ll just copy and paste and take out the questions I don’t feel like answering today.

Name: Esther Chilli Stylez. It’s true.
Birthday: August 26 1986.
Birthplace: Zacapa, Guatemala.
Current Location: Long Beach, California
Eye Color: Brown.
Hair Color: Brown.
Righty or Lefty: Righty.
Zodiac Sign: Don’t know, don’t care.
Font: to type with normally, I like verdana and courrier. For graphics and stuff, I like Grudge and Silkscreen.

Favorites:
Music: indy rock/ indy pop, “emotional hardcore,” some 90′s alternative.
Cartoon: Arthur.
Color: Teal, Blue, Green, Grey, Black, etc. Anything pretty, I suppose.
Car: Lancer, Explorer, Expediton while I’m poor. A bmw (I’m a loser and I don’t know which one. I like 3 of ‘em though), Range Rover, and yeah… for if I ever have money.
Slushy Flavor: Watermelon or Strawberry.
Magazine: I don’t know, I don’t really read them much. I’ll admit I like Self magazine though.
TV Show: ermmmm lots.
Song at the Moment: I have a few favorites.
Language: Well I speak English and Spanish fluently. I guess I perfer speaking English, but that’s just because that’s what everybody here speaks. I think I like both equally though.
Food & Beverage: Spaghetti and Orange juice. But not together. This one drink, Amé, is really good too. Especially Amé red. The rose and white aren’t so good.
Subject in School: Ummm I really don’t know. If there was a class where we could just read whatever we want and not have to write about it at all, I’d love it.
Weekend Activity: Hanging out with friends, driving around with Nateleys. Going to LA/Hollywood and going to orange county. Hanging out locally is fun too.
Frozen Yogurt: mmm my friend’s family used to own this place down there with all the 2nd street shops, called Auggie’s. It was the best. It reminds me sort of of coldstone’s, but with frozen yogurt, and they mashed everything up in this augerring machine. It was the best. And I’d get it for free. Ohhhh yeah. They sold it and it became The Crepe Place. They sold good Crepes. Now its like… Le Crepperialskdjlg or something, and its the same crepe place, but with a french name.
Roller Coaster: Goliath and Riddler’s Revenge. Supreme Scream is great fun too.

What is…
Your most overused phrase: I go through phases when I use certain things too much. You guys could probably point them out better than I could list them.
First thing you thought when you woke up: umm.. too early. Yeah, and then I ended up sleeping in till 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave. : x.
Last image/thought you go to sleep with: hehehe you’d like to know, wouldn’t you? Too bad, too personal. Muahahaha. Okay fine. Truth be told, I can’t remember what it was.
First feature you notice of opposite sex: Their head… eyes, cheekbones, lips, HAIR.
Best name for a Butler: Charles.
Wussiest Sport: crickett. hahaha. I enjoy watching foreign tv channels and trying to figure out how that game works.
Your best feature: I really have no clue.
Your greatest fear: Earthquakes, car accidents, things being thrown at me. And I recently came up with a new one, but I can’t remember it. I guess it’s not that big???
Your greatest accomplishment: ummm school. I know I’m doing not so good right now, but 10th grade. Oh my gosh. I look back and admire all the work I did. If I can graduate wearing a sash, I’ll be most proud. We’ll see. If that’s based on weighted GPA then I’m set, because yeah…
Your most missed memory: hanging out with Monica every day.

This or that.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke/ Diet Pepsi.
McDonald’s or Burger King: Jack in the Box. I don’t care, I’m picking it.
Single or Group Dates: I’ve never been on a group date, so I’ll go ahead and say single.
Adidas or Nike: neither =/
Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingers: FINGERS BABY! Especially from Arby’s. Ohhh man.
Dogs or Cats: doggies.
Rugrats or Doug: neither.
Single or Taken: Both have their perks.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Iced tea is NASTY.
One pillow or Two: Two.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Both.
Hot chocolate or Hot cocoa: I always thought they were the same, so I’ll say both.
Cappucino or Coffee: Caramel Macchiato or Triple Chocolate Mocha.

Do you…
Shower everyday: haha, yes, for the most part.
Have a crush: yes.
Think you’ve been in love: not yet. But it could be happening now. We shall see. ♥ ♥
Want to go to college: yessir.
Like high school: sometimessir.
Want to get married: very much sosir.
Type correctly: Yessir.
Believe in yourself: Okay, enough siring. Sometimes I do believe in myself. I’d like to say I do more than I don’t.
Have any tattoos? Where: nope. I know I want one with my hubby when I’m married, but I’m trying to decide if I want one now.
Have any piercings? Where: my ears.
Get motion sickness: Sometimes I do.
Think you’re a health freak: haha, some weeks I am, other weeks I am not.
Get along with your parents: yeah, I love them. Sometimes we have our quirks, but we get along well for the most part.
Like thunderstorms: SURELY.

Age your plan to be married: kind of early. 19-early 20′s. No later than 23 if at all possible. But pretend if I marry the person who I’m involved with… 19 would be too early because he’d still be 18 and yeah, so I’ll say 20 or 21 for his sake. Like 5 people (including his family and people who’ve known me as long as I’ve known him, which is almost 8 years) have said that they could see us married, by the way.
Number and names of children: haha, I used to want 4. But I watch a baby story on tlc too much, and I don’t think I could handle it. So I’m going to shoot for 2. Hopefully I’ll just have twins and then I won’t have to worry about it more.
Where will you be at age 20: College, Work, probably still in Long Beach (if not, then LA/Hollywood/NYC I hope), and I’d hope to be married or engaged or at least on the path towards that.
Dream wedding: I don’t want to go into detail here because I don’t want anybody to take my ideas. Because that’s one of my biggest pet peeves. When people do things I do. :cough: But yes, It’s mostly planned out, lol.
How do you want to die: old and happy, in a painful way. With my husband at the same time. So that we don’t have to go through missing each other.
Dream job: a producer. Give money to movies/tv, sit around and watch it make money, get more money back? Heck yeah, I’m there.
Country you’d like to visit: Anywhere in Europe. But yeah, I’m okay here in the US, I’d like to visit this country up, seeing as how I’ve only been in 3 states and only 1 really counts. Las Vegas doesnt count, and neither does a trip to arizona which I only vaguely remember.

Best eye color: I don’t care. Color contacts are not the way to go though.
Best hair color: Either real dark or real lgiht.
Short or long hair: Whatever suits them.
Best height: Taller than me.
Best weight: enough to not look like a stick. A little pudge is okay, but I’m all for the sleek look on my men. Many men many men many men. Haha, jk.
Best clothes: either casual and laid back or dressed up. rawr.
Best first date location: doesn’t matter, as long as it’s fun.
Best first kiss location: In the rain at night on a hill. Under a gazebo. Yep.

Other
Last time you slept with a stuffed animal: probably 2 years ago. I used to sleep with this doggy that Nate and I had. It was “our puppy” hahaha we’re dorks. After everything happened though, I stopped sleeping with it. And now… I’m used to not sleeping with stuffies.
Rings before you answer the phone: however many it takes for me to get to the phone.
What’s on your mousepad: I don’t use one.
How many houses you’ve lived in: 6 that I remember, but there were more when I was little and my parents were missionaries.
How many schools you’ve gone to: preschool 1 in guatemala, preschool 2 in guatemala, preschool 3 in Whittear, CA, preschool 4 in Inglewood, CA (I went for 2 years, because that’s how it’s done in Guatemala), elementary school 1 in Inglewood, elementary school 2 in Long Beach, Middle school, High School, lbcc (if that counts) that makes… 9. But I suspect there was another in Guatemala.
Bedroom carpet color: Creamish.
Shave your head for $5,000?: Make it 15,000, and unless I have a lot of money, I’d probably do it. It grows back, afterall.
Stranded on a desert island. Take three things. No people: a helicopter with phone and tv and stuff inside, toilet paper, and an apple.
Best time of your life so far: umm. I think… the last two summers. They were both awesome for different reasons. I have high hopes for this summer too.

I love it when it rains. And I had no idea it was going to. So waking up to it was a pleasant surprise.

oh and this too:
nate: yay i couldnt sleep
nate: i was too excited about the prom
me:

soooo I went out again with Nathaniel again, and we had a grand old time, you can read about the stuff at ohn.
But yeah, I think it’s cool how we’re able to help each other out and accompany each other on stuff that needs to be done. Like me going with him to yell at the driving school people. And then him going with me all the way to fullerton, just for me to park, get out of the car, take a deep breath, look around the parking lot, get back in the car, and leave the campus. Yeah, we’re wierd. We’re not “together” yet, or at least I don’t think we are. Who knows though, maybe we are, haha, I’m tired of trying to figure that out. We’re just… whatever we are.

I finally asked him to prom. He said “yes! of course!” So that’s pretty cool. I’m real excited for it all.

An update on the college thing: I’m still confused as ever, but I imagine I’ll be going to csulb for my first 2 years, while I do my general education courses. After that time, my plan is to have either found a major there which I like, or to have a place to transfer to.

okay. back to prom.
I’m starting to think that somebody else will definitely have my dress at prom. So my plan is to lurk around in the shadows the whole night, muahahahahaha. I don’t think I really care if anybody has my dress, but I’d probably turn red if I somebody did, so it’d be good if that didn’t happen. I still need to get my shawl made, and to find a purse. And make my hair and makeup appointments. And we have to figure out who’s going to be in our “party” that evening, so we can get a limo, make a dinner reservation, and see about booking a cosmic bowling party (or something else) for after prom. Aye, and I have to make sure everything’s good with Nathaniel getting his tux and all. And his buit.. bution… his flower thing.

Yep, that’s it.

I’m going camping with my family tomorrow. To be honest, I’m not so excited about it.

For one thing, I have to pack everything. Why? Beacuse “esther does the best job.” Hmm. Yeah, so I get to do that.

For another thing, I wanna go on a trip somewhere else, not camping in san diego.

And I know this’ll sound mushy and stupid, but I don’t want to be away from Nathaniel. I know it’s only till thursday, and that it’s not like we go to the same school and see each other every day anyway, but… I don’t know. I won’t get to talk to him. Or anybody. Then again, I’ll have my cell phone, but that kind of kills the camping experience.

Lastly, I have a lot of homework, and while there’s no guarantee that I would get the work done if I were at home, I think there’s less of a chance of me doing it when I’m away. I have statistics homework, government homework, lots of reading for english (and I still have to do my apocalypse now questions), the whole senior project dealy, and… I need to practice that brandenburg thing for orchestra (even though Mary took it. for the whole week. with no copies for me.) and yeah…. So I have a lot of stuff to do.

However, I am determined to have a good time in spite of all of this. We’ll see how it goes, I’ll miss you guys!

edit: this stupid entry keeps getting the date mixed up on it. grr.