continuing along
I am so tired.
I think I need to take Friday nights out of my social calendar and allow it to be a time for me to be calm and truly rest. The whole going out to blow off steam thing only makes me more tired in the end and makes my fun Saturdays unproductively tiresome rather than enjoyable. I’ll try it for a few weeks. Friday may be substituted for Saturday if planned events call for it.
But I am so gratefully blessed to be surrounded by people who know how to have a good time, people who love quality conversations, and people who I can just be silent with. I am even more blessed by the select few who know how to do all 3.
Loving November so far, just tired of feeling like I am failing at different aspects of life.
This week is expected to be… a lot of work (OH MAN DO I NEED TO CATCH UP ON GRAD SCHOOL), but also a good amount of rest (given my new Friday night rule), and a lot of love (1.5 on 11/11)!
colds and overcoats!
“The time has come for colds and overcoats.
We’re quiet on the ride,
we’re all just waiting to get home” -Brand New
Oh, NOVEMBER! The month that is my favorite! the month in which I begin to listen to Brand New non-stop because it just feels right…
Work, school, and personal life are all going awesome/terrible. When I step back and look at where I am in life, I am happy with many things, but it is just hard to actually appreciate life as it is happening, rather than being drained by it all. There are so many struggles and so many things to be grateful for.
Happy About:
-learning a lot at school and professional development–not a waste of time at all
-good work relationships
-a few good conversations I was able to get with friends
-LOTS of free books from calabasas library (rich people=good books!) and students being excited about them and saying I’m making them excited to read <3
-fun Friday/Halloween, getting to see a lot of people 
-1.5 mark is coming up soon with my man
-fruitful last few Sundays at church, anticipation for things to come
-completing my move to lb
Stressed by:
-hard situations at work (my own struggles, not against co-workers)
-1 person understanding my need to rest and giving me permission to
-having such a short fuse this week. why? i haven't been so irritable in years
-relationships in need of repair
-not enough time!
-considering UCI Summer M.A. in English program. Needing to take GRE very soon if I am going to do this. I am scared of being bored in the Summer.
But it's November. So it's all good.
daily doses of heartache
a tiny backyard, packed with farm animals; a petting zoo dream that was never realized.
a 14 year old. supporting his family with the money he makes selling newspapers (in lancaster) until midnight the night before.
a student who lives on the same block as 3 crack houses.
straight-a students who have gotten shot at on 3 separate occasions.
quinceanera celebrations that go all out, strippers and booze for one and all.
young adolescents who still smile despite it all.
young adolescents who just can’t smile because of it all.
Honeymoon’s over
It was bound to happen eventually.
I’ve hit the wall at work, I just don’t want to be there right now. Hopefully once my health is back to normal, things will be good. Taking a day off for my illness also doubled as a mental health day. It was great, but it made me long for college days of waking up at 9, eating bagels and sipping coffee, wearing ucla sweatshirts, and just lounging if I felt down. I know I am so fortunate to be able to spend school breaks doing just that, but right now in a month with no holidays, it’s hard. Next Wednesday is a professional development day though that I am looking forward to and then November is right around the corner, so there will be some nice days off there.
I am trying desperately to cling to my vision for why I am there. It’s the hardest, most consuming thing I have ever done. Teaching really is a labor of love.
But I love those students. They are worth all of that work. In the end is there anything else I would rather be doing? No.
“Greater things have yet to come
and greater things are still to be done
in this city”
I <3 LA.
Clothing that travels
#1 – The traveling dress
It was made of stretchy mauve-colored fabric and had brown polka dots scattered across it. It was strapless and knee-length. Never my favorite dress, but for a while it was one of the few dresses that I owned.
I wore it to a wedding, an Easter Sunday, and out and about.
Shannon wore it on a night out for a birthday and on a date with Grant.
Michelle wore it… somewhere? At least in the apartment.
Grant wore it at his bachelor party.
#2 The Traveling Shorts
American Apparel stocks these unisex shorts. Andrew and I (or maybe just me?) became obsessed with the thought of buying one pair that we would take turns wearing. Just for fun /to be weird.
I wore them in the dressing room.
Then I passed them over and Andrew wore them in the dressing room.
And that was all there was to it. They were tried on inside of 3 different AA’s (in 2 different states even!), but the jokes about our “traveling” shorts were never realized.
#3 THE TRAVELING PANTS!
I just got passed a pair of skinny cheap mondays that not 1, not 2, but 3 GUYS (not girls) have called their own. Haha I am more thrilled than necessary to be wearing these.
And yes, I logged on just to brag about the fact that I have traveling pants now.
ps.
….I don’t think they’ve ever been washed.
I want to go to all of these
http://www.latimes.com/travel/la-tr-top20nationalparks-pg,0,4023261.photogallery
yep.
overwhelmed
I want to crawl into a hole and sleep until thanksgiving.
Maybe life will make sense by then.
heavy work days and pumpkin pie
I ate a piece of pumpkin pie at home today. I LOVE COSTCO PUMPKIN PIE. It’s one of my favorite things. Ever. Mom offered to send me back to my apartment with 2-3 pieces, but I turned her down… “too many calories, I don’t wanna get fat,” etc. I really regret it right now! I’ll just have to eat a donut at my meeting tomorrow.
Today was a hard day at work. Discipline was tough with my students, but I can say that my heart is heavy with the pain I know many of them are experiencing right now. I’m kind of at a loss for how to handle a lot of situations. But I’m here to try to figure it out. I’m glad that (at this point) I’m able to say that one bad day is no big deal. We move on.
I have lots of work to do (back to school night on Thursday!), but I’m happy that as part of my Goal Setting meeting w/ my principal… we agreed that I will not take any work home with me on Tuesdays. So I had small group (<3 ) and now I'm watching Gilmore Girls and sipping tea.
Life is good. Just consuming!
Here’s to pumpkin pie season.
Homecoming
This weekend was really great. Reconnecting with some of the most hilarious ladies on Friday, catching up on sleep, spending time with my darling parents exploring LA for my dad’s bday, catching up on sleep, spending time with/getting fed completely stuffed Andrew+his family, and catching up on sleep.
Just the kind of weekend that I love to have as a bookend in between my weeks.
I think this type of enjoyment/rest might be paused soon though, because the following weekends will probably be consumed with a new project of mine.
Announcement
I will most likely be moving back home to Long Beach in the upcoming weeks. Like, out of the Culver City area by the end of the month.
I love my roommate, Anna, and I LOVE this area so so so much. But I’m only spending 1 afternoon and 3-4 nights a week at this apartment. It’s just not worth the 1,000’s of dollars that I would save this year by living at home.
What about work? My parents’ house is actually the tiniest bit (4 miles) closer to work. What about UCLA? I expect to only be at UCLA once this school year. June. For my graduation. My UCLA classes take place in my classroom and at the main Locke campus, just up the street.
What about Andrew? My parents’ house is only 8 miles further away from him than my apartment is. Not to mention that I usually go over straight from work and crash on his couch, which means that my home location is irrelevant. If he’s in Diamond Bar, I am loads closer in LB anyway.
I guess I originally thought that I would have more things happening in the West Los Angeles area, but I really do not. I will miss it so much. But I’ll still be in the city of LA on a daily basis, so it’s not like I am completely separating myself from the city I have come to love so much.
What about my freedom? This is my biggest concern. I guess I am just hoping and praying that I will not have to fight my mom too much on a curfew (bc I will not stand for one), on how late I may be allowed to drive around certain areas of LB/LA (bc this will need to remain my choice), or on where I spend the night (bc this will also not be negotiable).
I love my freedom, but I also love my own space, so having my own room at my parents’ is especially attractive right now when my stress level is high.
I am thrilled to not be packing a Trader Joe’s bag with clothes, shoes, and make-up every night to accommodate where I will be sleeping every single night. Thrilled to sleep in my big bed every night. Thrilled to not have my Sunday plans dominated by needing to get back to WLA. Thrilled to enjoy friends more and/or sleep more on Tuesdays by staying LB. Thrilled to not lug laundry back and forth.
Not to mention that all of the people I love are spread out all across the southland. To be sure, a small handful live in Los Angeles. Many live elsewhere. But the highest concentration of my loves are in LB <3
I’m coming home.
(And I’m having a garage sale)
Expanding on that last thought.
This past Friday night one of the teachers at my school put together a fund-raising benefit event for my school.
(Things were kind of off with me emotionally, but no matter).
The event was amazing.
I was in awe that somebody working the same job as me was able to put together such a wonderful event at a cool venue in Hollywood… he performed, he got a lot of good performers… it was awesome and I think we raised a lot of money from it.
His wife performed and his daughter was on stage all the time. It was adorable. He goes on tours in the Summer. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just a family talent show by any means… it was definitely a real show.
I’ve talked with other teachers who were in bands. I’ve been to a coffee shop that was owned and operated by a teacher. I’ve seen teachers on softball teams, basketball teams… teachers who tutor on weekends,teachers in card-making clubs, teachers who submit work art shows, teachers who get their short stories published, teachers who run marathons…
However ridiculous this sounds, I WANT A CUTE LIFE LIKE THOSE TEACHERS. They work hard during the day and then come home to spouses and children and the tools of their art.
I know that it’s my first year.
But I want to be there.
At the point where I’m a good teacher, but it doesn’t dominate all that I do.
[And oh... how embarrassing if any of my co-workers read this. If they do, hi]
